The Love Shack by Jane Costello Read Free Book Online Page B

look like her when I’m her age, but for some reason he doesn’t appreciate the sentiment.
    Despite the fact that I’ve seen first-hand what a flirt she can be, Belinda has never really had a Significant Other since her divorce from Dan’s dad Scott all those years ago.
    This in itself isn’t unique. But in Belinda’s case – or rather, Dr Belinda Blackwood’s case – it’s something on which she’s built her career, a philosophy and an extremely lucrative empire.
    Belinda was responsible for one of the biggest publishing phenomena to have emerged from the late 1980s: Bastards .
    She was a psychotherapist in private practice when she started writing it, as a self-help book for women experiencing acrimonious divorces. But by the time she’d completed the first draft, she was in the throes of one herself – and it’s hard to imagine a messier example.
    The final book was part-anthropological analysis of human behaviour and part thinly-disguised anecdotal prose plundered from the wreckage of her own relationship.
    She concluded that men are evolutionarily programmed to spread their seed as far and wide as possible, yet in the modern world, we expect them to desist when they find a mate and marry them.
    In the days when marriage was invented, life expectancy struggled to top forty years, therefore this wasn’t too much of an issue. Couples didn’t need to put up with each other for too many decades after the first flush of romance headed toilet-wards. Today, we’re living longer – and still expect couples to stick together for good. Yet those seed-spreading instincts have never disappeared, which explains why, after a few years’ marriage, many men won’t hesitate when they have the opportunity of mating with someone younger, prettier and more enthusiastic in the bedroom.
    Not all of them are like this, of course. But the chances of finding a ‘good’ one – with the skills and inclination to suppress their polygamous instincts – are low.
    The solution, Dr Belinda argued, is that women should shed long-held romantic notions and, rather than skip down the aisle thinking life will be one long fairytale, should regard men in more practical terms: as breeders. Then they should run.
    That way they can have a lovely, simple life, raising their children in the company of their infinitely more reliable friends – and never have to pick up a pair of Y-fronts from a bathroom floor again.
    The book polarised reviewers (‘A must read!’ – the New York Sun ; ‘Unmitigated drivel’ – the Economist), but flew off the shelves. It was followed up in 1993 with its sequel: Complete Bastards, and the trilogy was concluded in 1995 with Complete and Utter Bastards .
    She invested the substantial proceeds of all the books on the Stock Market and, judging by the house, the Porsche and the indoor swimming pool, didn’t do badly.
    To Belinda’s credit though, she’s extremely generous. Even before we started house-hunting, she tried to give Dan a lump of money that would pay for a deposit somewhere. Typically, he was having none of it. He’s always found the idea of sponging off his parents – neither of whom are short of a bob or two – abhorrent. As far as Dan’s concerned, if we can’t stand on our own two feet and buy this house by ourselves, we’re not buying it at all.
    ‘Mum, where do you want me to put all this stuff?’ Dan asks. ‘We need to start unpacking if we’re going to make two more trips.’
    ‘All your clothes can go in the little bedroom at the front. Gemma can have the walk-in wardrobe and—’
    ‘We won’t be unpacking our bags ,’ Dan clarifies. ‘I just meant unpacking the car.’ His mum frowns. ‘We won’t ever be unpacking our bags. Not ever. This is a temporary arrangement.’
    ‘All right, Mr Independent,’ Belinda replies, grabbing him by the cheek and giving it a tweak. She turns to me. ‘He was just the same when he was three and insisted on wiping his own