The Nice Old Man and the Pretty Girl by Italo Svevo Read Free Book Online

her.
    He did not believe her, but he felt obliged to appear a little grateful, because she had been so forbearing with him. “Bravo,” said he, “I am very pleased with you. You are doing me the greatest kindness in remaining honest, and you will see that I shall be very grateful.” He imagined that he had done a great deal in that first interview. The rest might be held over till the next day, after he had had the necessary time for reflection. Yet he could not manage to change the subject, not merely because old men are rather like crocodiles, which cannot easily change their direction, but also because there was now only one link between him and the girl. There had in fact never been more than one between them, only now it was a different one. “And how about the young man you were with yesterday under my window?”
    She did not remember at once that she had gone down that street. She recollected after an effort of memory, or rather of thought. She must have gone down that road when she came to the other one from her home. The young man was a cousin of hers back from the university. There was no need to take the boy seriously.
    Again he did not believe her, but he thought that for the moment it would be better not to press the point. Before dismissing her, on the pretext that he was very tired, he gave her money, this time not in anenvelope, but counted out carefully on the table. He looked at the girl, expecting to enjoy her thanks. He did not notice much. First of all it disgusted her to talk of money always, and the old man had to ask her more than once to help him count it, because she was looking the other way; then, after all, there was not much of it, for in those days it was only just enough to buy the shoes the girl was wearing.
    She went off after giving him a good, long kiss, and certainly thought that the love was being held over till the second meeting.

IX
    When the old man wanted to set his thoughts in order, he was in the habit of chatting with the person nearest to hand. This was therefore always his enemy and his one companion, his nurse. So he told her that he felt pleased that the girl had remembered even the moral lessons he had given her in the past, nor was he stopped by the evil glance of surprise his nurse shot him. He told her good-humouredly, as if he were thinking aloud, that he now meant to help the girl, and even mentioned the amount of money he had given her that day.
    His nurse started. The mention of the girl always brought out the bad in her, but she began by expressing contempt for the money, which he had thought a considerable sum. As we shall see, she was not clever, but she was then pursuing a line of her own in an attemptto get her wages raised. As a matter of fact the old man had not yet realised that the value of money had fallen lower than ever. Then she added, “As for her”—the vague wave of the hand indicated the girl—“it is easy for her to remember the noble moral lessons you have given her; I’ve no doubt they did her a great deal of good.”
    This second remark was less important to the old man than the first. He was deeply concerned at having tainted himself with meanness when he had meant to behave so generously. If what his nurse said was true, he had made a great mistake, because he meant the money to represent his own ransom, which could not be paid with a small sum.
    This was his first reason for dissatisfaction after being so confident of attaining peace. At bottom remorse is only the effect of a certain way of looking at one’s self in a mirror. And he saw himself mean and small. He had always paid the girl too little. For some pleasures generous men saddle themselves with equivalent responsibilities. In order not to saddle himself with any he remembered that in the past he had never even made appointments with her beforehand, so that, when he had had enough of her, all he had to do was not to send for her. Other men pay women every day, since they must