The Nice Old Man and the Pretty Girl by Italo Svevo Read Free Book Online Page B

This fault he would be able to correct in a second attempt. Meanwhile it seemed to him that these notes might be useful to him with the girl. The stuff might not go down with one like himself, who had had to listen to the preaching of morality times out of number ever since he had been capable of reasoning. But the girl was probably tired by now of many things of this world, though not of morality. Perhaps words which he had written from his heart, though when he read them over they awakened no emotion in him, might touch her.
    That night also was restless, but not unpleasantly so. Prolonged sleeplessness always produces a little delirium. Not all the brain cells remain awake. Some realities disappear, and those that remain alive develop without check. The old man smiled at himself as a great writer. He knew he had something to say to the world, but in that state between sleep and wakefulness he was not quite sure what it was. Yet he was conscious that he was half asleep and also that day would come and the daylight to complete his mind.
    When at last, towards morning, he fell asleep, he had a dream which began well and ended badly. He was in the midst of a crowd of men ranged in a circle on the large drill-ground. He introduced the girl to them all, dressed in her bright-coloured old clothes, and everyone applauded him, as if it was he who had made her so pretty. Then she seized a trapeze which, fastened to a trolley, went round in a circle right over all these people. And as she went by everyone stroked her legs. He also was anxiously waiting for the legs to caress them, but they never reached him and when they did reach him he did not want them any more. Then all the people began to shout. They shouted one word only, but he did not hear it till he was compelled to shout also. The word was, Help.
    He awoke, bathed in a cold sweat: the angina in all its force crucified him on the bed. He was dying. In the room death was represented only by a beatingof wings. It was death itself that had made its way into him together with the venomous sword, which was bending in his arm and his chest. He was all pain and fear. Later he thought that his despair had been increased by remorse at the disgusting dream. But in his great pain all the feelings which had darkened his soul throughout his life became intelligible and therefore also his adventure with the girl.
    When the pain and the fear went, he began to consider once again the subject that occupied all his thoughts. Perhaps he hoped by this means to begin a great cure. How important was the part played by the girl in his life. It was on her account that he had been taken ill. Now she was persecuting him in his dreams and threatening him with death. She was more important than everyone else and than all the rest of his life. Even what he despised in her was important. The very legs which in their reality had filled him with indignation had corrupted him in his dream. In the dream she had appeared dressed in bright-coloured old clothes, but her legs had been those of the day before, clothed in silk stockings.
    The doctor came with his usual prescriptions and his usual confident calm, imperturbable so long as he had to do with the angina, intent only upon the cure. He declared that this would be the last attack. The great pain was, in fact, a favourable symptom, seeing that debilitated organisms are not subject to great pain. Then: Fine weather would soon be here. Thewar was certainly coming to an end and the old man could go to some good spa.
    His nurse did not forget to tell the doctor of the visitor the old man had entertained on the previous day. The doctor smiled and advised that there should be no more visits of the kind till he gave his permission.
    With manly decision the old man refused to obey. The doctor must cure him without any prohibitions. The visits could not have done him any harm, and he resented the idea as an insult. In the future he should invite the girl to come and