The Nine Rooms of Happiness: Loving Yourself, Finding Your Purpose, and Getting Over Life's Little Imperfections by Lucy Danziger, Catherine Birndorf Read Free Book Online
Authors: Lucy Danziger, Catherine Birndorf
such a place. I would sometimes slip away to that forgotten little room behind the laundry area, near the back door. My parents called it “the dog’s room,” because that was where the family mutt would curl up to find quiet.
It was a place where I could pat the dog and read and write and avoid scrutiny. Not every house has one and not everyone has the luxury of slipping away in the middle of the day, but the idea is to create some kind of a sanctuary. It’s wherever you go to think and contemplate your day, yourlife, your authentic self. You can do it on a walk, while swimming laps, or wherever you can be alone with your thoughts. For some women it’s the solitude of folding laundry; for others it’s a long shower or just lying in bed with a book.
It’s critical that you go there daily, if only for twenty minutes, especially now that so many of us live on top of one another in our busy, stressed-out lives. I think of it as a “mouse hole,” since you can basically disappear into this space and no one can find you or bother you there.
Kids are great at finding mouse holes, since they are better at closing out the world when they need to get away from the noise and the demands of school and family. It’s why Harry Potter’s little nook under the stairs appeals to children of all ages; it may be small, but it’s his and he can get away from the dreaded Dursleys when he goes there. We all have our version of the Dursleys, and we all need a space under the stairs, a mouse hole, even if it’s only a room in our minds.
Now You’re Done and Can Take a Breath, or Even a Walk
Once you’ve drawn your house and have learned to move from room to room, you will have more control over yourself and your emotions in every room. Then you’ll be able to leave your house and see the bigger world—and your role in it—without having your thoughts and feelings about it distorted because you are constantly worrying about those messy rooms. Just by changing the dynamic within your emotional house, you can finally get to the point where you can go out and experience the world from a new perspective: a happier, more confident, and meaningful place.
And You Get to Furnish It!
You have a floor plan, so now it’s time to place the big defining pieces for each room—a bed in the bedroom, TV in the family room, table in the kitchen, mirror in the bathroom, etc. The goal here is to take notice ofthe ways you spend time in each room. For some women, a beautiful bed and luxurious sheets are the key to their bedroom. Perhaps for someone else a futon on the floor is fine, or they have a gorgeous view or tons of sunlight streaming in every morning, or a comfy chair to read in. (Or great, carefree sex, no matter what their bedding preferences.)
As much as I wish everyone in my family sat in the family room playing Scrabble every night, that just isn’t the case. I’ve had to come to terms with the reality of my family room: my husband, James, is on his laptop, writing his blog about photography; my son is using his computer to look up musical chords and teaching himself to play guitar, strumming and singing and entertaining everyone with silly songs; and my daughter is “i-chatting” with pals. It may not be the perfect Norman Rockwell family portrait, but at least we all congregate there, and that makes all of us calm, relaxed, and content. Sometimes, I’ve decided, sharing the same air is enough.
That’s it. Now you’re done sketching. You have your emotional house. Next you need to decide which rooms are neat enough and which ones you want to work on.
Where do you want to spend your emotional energy cleaning up a mess? That’s where to head first.
5
Pearls and Other Bits of Portable Wisdom
E ach time you are in a messy situation, you have a choice to make: Either shut the door behind you (promise yourself you will clean it up later…when you have time, energy, or the right head space), or dive right in. Ready to
It was a place where I could pat the dog and read and write and avoid scrutiny. Not every house has one and not everyone has the luxury of slipping away in the middle of the day, but the idea is to create some kind of a sanctuary. It’s wherever you go to think and contemplate your day, yourlife, your authentic self. You can do it on a walk, while swimming laps, or wherever you can be alone with your thoughts. For some women it’s the solitude of folding laundry; for others it’s a long shower or just lying in bed with a book.
It’s critical that you go there daily, if only for twenty minutes, especially now that so many of us live on top of one another in our busy, stressed-out lives. I think of it as a “mouse hole,” since you can basically disappear into this space and no one can find you or bother you there.
Kids are great at finding mouse holes, since they are better at closing out the world when they need to get away from the noise and the demands of school and family. It’s why Harry Potter’s little nook under the stairs appeals to children of all ages; it may be small, but it’s his and he can get away from the dreaded Dursleys when he goes there. We all have our version of the Dursleys, and we all need a space under the stairs, a mouse hole, even if it’s only a room in our minds.
Now You’re Done and Can Take a Breath, or Even a Walk
Once you’ve drawn your house and have learned to move from room to room, you will have more control over yourself and your emotions in every room. Then you’ll be able to leave your house and see the bigger world—and your role in it—without having your thoughts and feelings about it distorted because you are constantly worrying about those messy rooms. Just by changing the dynamic within your emotional house, you can finally get to the point where you can go out and experience the world from a new perspective: a happier, more confident, and meaningful place.
And You Get to Furnish It!
You have a floor plan, so now it’s time to place the big defining pieces for each room—a bed in the bedroom, TV in the family room, table in the kitchen, mirror in the bathroom, etc. The goal here is to take notice ofthe ways you spend time in each room. For some women, a beautiful bed and luxurious sheets are the key to their bedroom. Perhaps for someone else a futon on the floor is fine, or they have a gorgeous view or tons of sunlight streaming in every morning, or a comfy chair to read in. (Or great, carefree sex, no matter what their bedding preferences.)
As much as I wish everyone in my family sat in the family room playing Scrabble every night, that just isn’t the case. I’ve had to come to terms with the reality of my family room: my husband, James, is on his laptop, writing his blog about photography; my son is using his computer to look up musical chords and teaching himself to play guitar, strumming and singing and entertaining everyone with silly songs; and my daughter is “i-chatting” with pals. It may not be the perfect Norman Rockwell family portrait, but at least we all congregate there, and that makes all of us calm, relaxed, and content. Sometimes, I’ve decided, sharing the same air is enough.
That’s it. Now you’re done sketching. You have your emotional house. Next you need to decide which rooms are neat enough and which ones you want to work on.
Where do you want to spend your emotional energy cleaning up a mess? That’s where to head first.
5
Pearls and Other Bits of Portable Wisdom
E ach time you are in a messy situation, you have a choice to make: Either shut the door behind you (promise yourself you will clean it up later…when you have time, energy, or the right head space), or dive right in. Ready to
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