The Power of Forgetting by A M Russell Read Free Book Online

Janey. Stop playing with
me.’
    Her face
changed; ‘I’m not playing.’ she said irritably, curling her fingers
round mine and pushing my hand to one side.
    ‘What do you
want Janey? Really? I can’t take any more of this confusion.’
    ‘You don’t want
me here?’ she pulled back a little and looked as if she might cry,
‘I haven’t got anyone else who really cares.’
    ‘What about
Davey?’ I said quietly.
    ‘You never said
what happened tonight.’ She put her head on one side.
    ‘Don’t refuse
to answer my question.’ I said firmly.
    ‘I’m not. I
just don’t know…. I really don’t know. What should I do Jared? Tell
me what to do….’ She finally slipped sideways and curled herself
under my left arm, like a pet cat.
    ‘I’m tired.’
She said, ‘I want to be free. You understand that…. I was always
following in your wake Jared. You were always the golden boy…
always the favourite.’
    I wasn’t sure
how to respond. I didn’t feel she was being fair. But the essential
truth of what she was saying was undeniable. It was Mother who was
there the most and Janey maybe felt left out. I think that she
wouldn’t let our mother love her. She didn’t want to be combed and
dressed up like the pretty doll she was. She quite rightly wanted
to have interesting conversations about physics and particles and
quantum theory. I was the soft compliant one to my Mother. The one
who accepted the aesthetic pleasures of being dragged round ancient
castles and gardens as a positive experience. Janey was the one who
wanted to fiddle with the machinery and see how it all worked. I
just watched and looked… Janey wanted to be like me, and I more
like her. She wanted to suck some life from me in a way I did not
want to do to her. Those elemental forces that were at work inside
her made her dangerous. The only person who seemed able to calm
this vexed woman was Davey. And it was for reasons that I had no
notion of. I hoped that she would just calm down so we could all
have some supper, and I hoped some more cups of tea. I was really
gagging for a cuppa now.
    ‘I’m sorry.’
She said, all contrite and reasonable again.
    I leaned over
and picked up the half smoked end, and then relit it. Janey stayed
curled under my arm. She seemed to be falling asleep as Marcia and
Davey came back in.
    ‘Thank you for
well stocked cupboards!’ Davey grinned, ‘we’ve been having fun
raiding them! I hope you don’t mind.’
    ‘No… err would
you.’ I indicated the vacant seat next to Janey.
    Davey sat down
there, as Marcia stirred my tea pot sending wreathes of stream into
the hazy air; we gently tipped the dozing Janey from me to Davey. I
picked up a plate.
    ‘Are you ready
for this?’ said Marcia.
    ‘Looks great.’
I said, ‘are these fresh baked?’
    ‘That what I
was doing earlier, when Violette was still here. We were making
samosas. Davey’s were a bit wonky though!’
    ‘Don’t worry,’
he said, ‘we ate the evidence. You get the best ones that Marcia
did for you.’
    ‘Thanks.’ I
looked up at her. She was happy and animated. I knew she knew all
about Me, Janey, and everything else. Yet somehow, it didn’t
matter. Of if it did, whatever weirdness there was, she had the
capacity to overcome it all with her acceptance. That strange
thing, an inclination not to judge all those weaknesses in others,
was one of the many things that made me love her so deeply. Marcia
didn’t make me feel anguished or pained. If it was intense, it had
only been my own fear of being found out that stopped us from being
closer all that time ago. I was told squarely by Davey, Violette;
and even Janey to stop keeping Marcia at arm’s length.
    I took one of
her wonderful Samosas and was thankful for someone who wasn’t
afraid of the truth about all things. She was wonderful and simply
lovely. And she accepted Janey’s crazy and erratic behaviour with
an equanimity that I was quite in admiration of. I thought then
that Marcia