The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: Why Capable People Suffer from the Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of It by Valerie Young Read Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Valerie Young
and illegitimate are in the public spheres of power and authority. This is true for men too, of course. But here again the difference is that up until a few short decades ago these arenas were the near exclusive domain of men.
Since women do not have a long history of belonging in these spheres—especially at the highest levels—the feats of the great and powerful wizards of industry, finance, science, politics, and even art can, for some, seem downright mysterious. You may see important people doing important things and think surely that what they’re doing is beyond your abilities or comprehension. If you don’t understand the game for what it is, you may be so intimidated that you never even try.
If you fall into any of these categories, the first thing you need to do is give yourself a break. When you are outside your cultural comfort zone, for example, you’re bound to have more insecurity about your competence than a native does. If you are a first-generation professional, the fact that you got where you are without the benefits that accompany social class makes you both commendable
and
exceptional. When impostor feelings hit, give yourself extra points for performing as well as you do.
Next, look for ways to address the isolation that goes along with feeling like a stranger in a strange land. If you’re a student, tap into campus programs that serve international students. If you are a professional working abroad and there are no resources that offer contact with others from your culture, look for online venues that can connect you with others either elsewhere in the country where you currently reside or back home. Once you do, look for opportunities to raise the impostor syndrome not asa confession, but as an interesting topic of discussion. Given the universal nature of these feelings, I guarantee that once you name the feelings, you’ll find people who will identify.
Remember too that regardless of the reason, whenever you feel like a stranger, a certain amount of fakery is required just to fit in. The important thing is not to take the discomfort of feeling out of your element to mean you are somehow less intelligent, capable, or worthy than others. You are where you are because you deserve to be. Period.
7. You Represent Your Entire Social Group
Clare Boothe Luce once remarked, “Because I am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed. If I fail, no one will say, ‘She doesn’t have what it takes.’ They will say, ‘Women don’t have what it takes.’ ” The playwright, magazine editor, ambassador, and congresswoman launched her career in 1935. And yet some eight decades later the pressure to carry the competence torch for one’s entire gender, race, sexual orientation, and so on is still on.
Some years ago a young woman who was blind attended one of my workshops. The recent college grad struggled with the same impostor feelings as everyone else in the room. But she also expressed tremendous anxiety about being the first sight-impaired person at her new workplace. “If I’m not ‘Super Disabled Person,’ ” she explained, “I worry the next time someone with a disability applies for a job, they’ll think, ‘Uh-oh, we tried one of
those people
, and it didn’t work out.” It’s a situation highly familiar to people of color as well.
You don’t have to be blind to see the pressure that comes from feeling like you have to represent not just yourself but your entire social group, pressure that makes you more vulnerable to the impostor syndrome. Upon her retirement, Supreme Court justice Sandra Day O’Connor reflected onher pioneer status. “My concern was whether I could do the job of a justice well enough to convince the nation that my appointment was the right move. If I stumbled badly in doing the job, I think it would have made life more difficult for women.” 14
Merely
thinking
about being in the minority relative to men has been shown to lead to palpable anxiety in
Since women do not have a long history of belonging in these spheres—especially at the highest levels—the feats of the great and powerful wizards of industry, finance, science, politics, and even art can, for some, seem downright mysterious. You may see important people doing important things and think surely that what they’re doing is beyond your abilities or comprehension. If you don’t understand the game for what it is, you may be so intimidated that you never even try.
If you fall into any of these categories, the first thing you need to do is give yourself a break. When you are outside your cultural comfort zone, for example, you’re bound to have more insecurity about your competence than a native does. If you are a first-generation professional, the fact that you got where you are without the benefits that accompany social class makes you both commendable
and
exceptional. When impostor feelings hit, give yourself extra points for performing as well as you do.
Next, look for ways to address the isolation that goes along with feeling like a stranger in a strange land. If you’re a student, tap into campus programs that serve international students. If you are a professional working abroad and there are no resources that offer contact with others from your culture, look for online venues that can connect you with others either elsewhere in the country where you currently reside or back home. Once you do, look for opportunities to raise the impostor syndrome not asa confession, but as an interesting topic of discussion. Given the universal nature of these feelings, I guarantee that once you name the feelings, you’ll find people who will identify.
Remember too that regardless of the reason, whenever you feel like a stranger, a certain amount of fakery is required just to fit in. The important thing is not to take the discomfort of feeling out of your element to mean you are somehow less intelligent, capable, or worthy than others. You are where you are because you deserve to be. Period.
7. You Represent Your Entire Social Group
Clare Boothe Luce once remarked, “Because I am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed. If I fail, no one will say, ‘She doesn’t have what it takes.’ They will say, ‘Women don’t have what it takes.’ ” The playwright, magazine editor, ambassador, and congresswoman launched her career in 1935. And yet some eight decades later the pressure to carry the competence torch for one’s entire gender, race, sexual orientation, and so on is still on.
Some years ago a young woman who was blind attended one of my workshops. The recent college grad struggled with the same impostor feelings as everyone else in the room. But she also expressed tremendous anxiety about being the first sight-impaired person at her new workplace. “If I’m not ‘Super Disabled Person,’ ” she explained, “I worry the next time someone with a disability applies for a job, they’ll think, ‘Uh-oh, we tried one of
those people
, and it didn’t work out.” It’s a situation highly familiar to people of color as well.
You don’t have to be blind to see the pressure that comes from feeling like you have to represent not just yourself but your entire social group, pressure that makes you more vulnerable to the impostor syndrome. Upon her retirement, Supreme Court justice Sandra Day O’Connor reflected onher pioneer status. “My concern was whether I could do the job of a justice well enough to convince the nation that my appointment was the right move. If I stumbled badly in doing the job, I think it would have made life more difficult for women.” 14
Merely
thinking
about being in the minority relative to men has been shown to lead to palpable anxiety in
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