The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: Why Capable People Suffer from the Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of It by Valerie Young Read Free Book Online
Authors: Valerie Young
think, ‘Why would anyone want to see me again in a movie?’ And I don’t know how to act anyway, so why am I doing this?” 10
Meryl Streep
, for crying out loud! If that doesn’t tell you something about how normal
and
absurd the impostor syndrome is, nothing will.
As esteemed choreographer Martha Graham once said, “No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.” When so many of the most acclaimed people on the planet feel like impostors, why wouldn’t you? Instead of berating yourself, do a little happy dance at the blessed unrest that allows you to share the human insecurity with some of the most talented people of all time.
6. You Are a Stranger in a Strange Land
A sense of belonging can go a long way in fostering self-confidence. Conversely, when you feel like an outsider you are in a sense wearing a mask, a situation that can easily open the door for impostor feelings to slip in. There are a few different ways you may feel like a fish out of water, including operating outside of your culture or socioeconomic class or being in a work environment that feels highly foreign.
If you do work or study in another country, for instance, then you know what a constant struggle it is to fit in. In addition to all the normal expectations and pressures facing anyone doing demanding work, you’ve got to do it while navigating a different culture and perhaps language aswell. Little wonder a whopping 85.7 percent of foreign-trained medical residents in Canada tested high for impostor feelings.” 11
A sense of belonging can also be a function of your socioeconomic class. British students who attended private schools prior to college, for example, ranked low for impostor feelings. 12 If, on the other hand, you sprang from blue-collar roots, you may feel like a poser. When she stepped onto the Princeton University campus from the Bronx, the future Supreme Court justice Sonia Sotomayor says, she felt like “a visitor landing in an alien country.” For the entire first year, she was “too embarrassed and too intimidated to ask questions.” 13
As a first-generation professional who has “made it,” you may find yourself in the precarious position of not fully fitting in. You may have an underlying sense that
“I don’t really belong here. I don’t really deserve this.”
While hobnobbing in your new world, you may half expect to be tapped on the shoulder and asked to leave. “I have spent my years since Princeton, while at law school and in my various professional jobs, not feeling completely a part of the worlds I inhabit,” Sotomayor says. “I am always looking over my shoulder wondering if I measure up.”
Regardless of geography or class, if you are a woman working in a corporate environment, whether you know it or not you are also operating in an alien culture. That’s why you’ll find scores of books seeking to educate women about how to navigate the unwritten rules of organizational politics but none specifically aimed at teaching men how to make it in a world that is culturally speaking neither strange nor new.
This is no small matter when you consider that in the private realms of relationships, home, and family, women are far less likely to struggle with impostor feelings. You don’t feel like a fraud when you’re sorting laundry or think it’s a fluke that your pet adores you. True, there may be times, when, for instance, you feel like you’re winging it as a parent. But that’sdifferent from questioning your intellectual capacity or chalking your parenting success up to luck or charm.
If the impostor syndrome were merely a matter of confidence or upbringing, says Wellesley Centers for Women senior researcher Dr. Peggy McIntosh, you would feel fraudulent in all aspects of your life. Instead, the places where women are most apt to feel incompetent
Meryl Streep
, for crying out loud! If that doesn’t tell you something about how normal
and
absurd the impostor syndrome is, nothing will.
As esteemed choreographer Martha Graham once said, “No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.” When so many of the most acclaimed people on the planet feel like impostors, why wouldn’t you? Instead of berating yourself, do a little happy dance at the blessed unrest that allows you to share the human insecurity with some of the most talented people of all time.
6. You Are a Stranger in a Strange Land
A sense of belonging can go a long way in fostering self-confidence. Conversely, when you feel like an outsider you are in a sense wearing a mask, a situation that can easily open the door for impostor feelings to slip in. There are a few different ways you may feel like a fish out of water, including operating outside of your culture or socioeconomic class or being in a work environment that feels highly foreign.
If you do work or study in another country, for instance, then you know what a constant struggle it is to fit in. In addition to all the normal expectations and pressures facing anyone doing demanding work, you’ve got to do it while navigating a different culture and perhaps language aswell. Little wonder a whopping 85.7 percent of foreign-trained medical residents in Canada tested high for impostor feelings.” 11
A sense of belonging can also be a function of your socioeconomic class. British students who attended private schools prior to college, for example, ranked low for impostor feelings. 12 If, on the other hand, you sprang from blue-collar roots, you may feel like a poser. When she stepped onto the Princeton University campus from the Bronx, the future Supreme Court justice Sonia Sotomayor says, she felt like “a visitor landing in an alien country.” For the entire first year, she was “too embarrassed and too intimidated to ask questions.” 13
As a first-generation professional who has “made it,” you may find yourself in the precarious position of not fully fitting in. You may have an underlying sense that
“I don’t really belong here. I don’t really deserve this.”
While hobnobbing in your new world, you may half expect to be tapped on the shoulder and asked to leave. “I have spent my years since Princeton, while at law school and in my various professional jobs, not feeling completely a part of the worlds I inhabit,” Sotomayor says. “I am always looking over my shoulder wondering if I measure up.”
Regardless of geography or class, if you are a woman working in a corporate environment, whether you know it or not you are also operating in an alien culture. That’s why you’ll find scores of books seeking to educate women about how to navigate the unwritten rules of organizational politics but none specifically aimed at teaching men how to make it in a world that is culturally speaking neither strange nor new.
This is no small matter when you consider that in the private realms of relationships, home, and family, women are far less likely to struggle with impostor feelings. You don’t feel like a fraud when you’re sorting laundry or think it’s a fluke that your pet adores you. True, there may be times, when, for instance, you feel like you’re winging it as a parent. But that’sdifferent from questioning your intellectual capacity or chalking your parenting success up to luck or charm.
If the impostor syndrome were merely a matter of confidence or upbringing, says Wellesley Centers for Women senior researcher Dr. Peggy McIntosh, you would feel fraudulent in all aspects of your life. Instead, the places where women are most apt to feel incompetent
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