The Singing by Alison Croggon Read Free Book Online

houses are built of dark stone and have red clay tiles. The marketplace of Lirigon is famous for its pottery. There is good clay near the Lir River."
    Maerad did not answer. At first her heart lifted at the thought of visiting Lirigon with Cadvan, but its mention also raised a dark memory. On the road to Lirigon, as she and Cadvan had made their way northward—a lifetime ago it seemed—Maerad had killed a Bard, liar of Desor, who was traveling with a Lirigon Bard, Namaridh. She and Cadvan had become bitterly estranged afterward, and that had led to disaster.
    "I do not think I can ever go to Lirigon," said Maerad at last. "There is a black crime on my soul."
    Cadvan looked at her in surprise. They had not spoken of the murder since they had reunited such a short time ago; it had been too painful to essay. "There is, Maerad," he said. "You will have to answer to it, if you have not already."
    "How could I have answered already?" asked Maerad, with an edge of bitterness.
    Cadvan reached for her gloved left hand, but she flinched. "You have suffered much since then," he said. "And I think that suffering has made you wiser. It doesn't always do that, you know. Suffering can destroy the soul; it can make people mean where once they were generous, small where once they were great. It can turn people mad. Remember that half-mad woman we saw in Edinur?"
    "Her name was Ikabil," she said softly, remembering the woman's broken face.
    "That was done to her. And things at least as bad have been done to you, Maerad. But you have not broken. You entered your suffering, and it has made you better understand the suffering of others."
    Maerad listened in silence, her face averted. "I cannot undo it," she said. "And I wish I could."
    "No, you cannot undo it. When all this is over, when peace returns to Edil-Amarandh, we will address this question. Only then can you answer to liar's people, and hear justice. For the moment it must be put aside. But Maerad"—and now Cadvan's voice was urgent—"remember this. It is only through understanding the darkness in yourself that you can understand the good, for the stars do not distinguish between good and bad as people do. There is much light in you. It shines more brightly
    than it ever did. And by the laws of the Balance, the light in you must be weighed in the scales, as much as your crimes."
    They walked on for a while in silence, and Cadvan added, "I do not mean that there will be nothing to answer."
    "I know that," said Maerad. Her voice was so low he could barely hear it. "I do not seek to escape what justice is owed me."
    "If our labors bear fruit, it will be just," Cadvan answered. "If the Dark succeeds, there will be no justice anywhere."
    Maerad nodded again. "I know that too," she said.
    She was thinking of how she had felt when she had killed other beings—those of the Dark, the wer and the Kulag, or the Hulls. She had always felt that the act had marked her. She could justify it: they were evil, she had to save her own life. And yet, all the same, it seemed to her that killing the murderous creatures of the Dark had led, subtly but inevitably, to her killing of liar. Whether she liked it or not, whether she thought her assailants were evil or not, she was dealing out death, and she couldn't still the voice inside her that said that it was wrong. She reflected, not for the first time, that it wasn't so easy to know whether or not your actions were right. Sometimes, Cadvan had said to her once, there is no choice before you except between bad and worse.

 

     
     

Chapter Ill

 

     
     

A FAREWELL
     
     
    THEY tracked down Indik in the saddlery, where he was overseeing some young Bards and apprentices who were polishing the saddles, bridles, and other equipment. The room was filled with a quiet hum of industrious activity and a delicious smell of linseed oil and leather. Maerad sniffed appreciatively.
    Indik glanced up when they entered and, despite himself, smiled broadly. He was