The Slacker's Guide to U.S. History: The Bare Minimum on Discovering America, the Boston Tea Party, the California Gold Rush, and Lots of Other Stuff Dead White Guys Did by Don Stewart Read Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Don Stewart
duty.
EIGHTH AMENDMENT. Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel or unusual punishments inflicted.
Unfortunately, this has all but ended modern-day firing squads here in the United States.
NINTH AMENDMENT. The enumeration of the Constitution of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.
This special clause allows for the fact that much of what needs to be protected has been left out of the Bill of Rights. This makes sure that whether it was intentional or careless, the citizens of the United States are not limited to the rights outlined in the Bill of Rights. This vague amendment makes room for women to choose contraception and abortion.
TENTH AMENDMENT. The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.
This allows the federal government to defer back to the states any issues it finds too complicated or divisive to deal with on their own, like the legal age of sexual consent.
1803 T HE L OUISIANA P URCHASE
…forced to don a beret and pretend he appreciated the works of French impressionist painters
T.J. Loved the Magic Beads
President Thomas Jefferson, looking to expand the size of the United States, was hopeful that the Spanish government would agree to sell the Louisiana Territory to him for a price that even those enjoying the financial freedom of living below the poverty line could afford. Instead, Spain's King Charles IV turned over the territory to the French as an apology for a Spanish cycling team failing a post-race drug test in the Tour De France of 1802. Now that the territory was owned by the difficult-to-deal-with French, the United States lost the right to use the New Orleans port's warehouses to store the magical beads that encourage woman of various breast sizes to remove their tops for the viewing pleasure of an intoxicated male audience during Mardi Gras every year. Jefferson was now forced to don a beret and pretend he appreciated the works of French impressionist painters in an effort to acquire the land he so dearly desired.
A “We're Going to War” Sale
Jefferson and his secretary of state, James (Dolly) Madison, began diplomatic efforts with the French in lieu of the more popular military option. In hopes of finding a John Lennon — inspired “give peace a chance” solution, Jefferson sent Madison to Paris as a diplomat. Upon Madison's arrival, he was pleasantly surprised to hear that Napoleon's desire to conquer Europe was suffering through a lack of funding and the French plan to re-establish itself in the United States was being abandoned. France's minister of finance advised the French government that they could not afford to send troops to occupy the entire Mississippi Valley.HE WARNED THAT IF A CONFLICT BROKE OUT, THE HYGIENIST- FREE BRITISH WOULD COME DOWN AND ATTACK FROM JOHN CANDY'S HOMELAND, RESULTING IN HEAVY LOSSES BOTH FINANCIALLY AND MILITARILY.The minister viewed the area as a liability, apparently knowing nothing of the properties of the magical New Orleans beads. Fortunately enough, Napoleon's need for cash motivated him, and he agreed with his advisor, coming to the conclusion to sell the territory to the land-hungry United States.
Desperately needing cash, the French quickly agreed to sell the Louisiana territory including New Orleans for $15 million, an amount that far exceeded what Jefferson had authorized. The purchase effectively doubled the size of the United States, making room for illegal immigrants for centuries to come. The approximately 600 million acres were acquired for about four cents an acre or the equivalent of modern-day real estate values in Nebraska.
1804 L EWIS AND C LARK
Known as seasoned travelers, they always packed each other's stuff the night before a trip
Jefferson's Wet American Dream
President Thomas Jeff erson found the
EIGHTH AMENDMENT. Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel or unusual punishments inflicted.
Unfortunately, this has all but ended modern-day firing squads here in the United States.
NINTH AMENDMENT. The enumeration of the Constitution of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.
This special clause allows for the fact that much of what needs to be protected has been left out of the Bill of Rights. This makes sure that whether it was intentional or careless, the citizens of the United States are not limited to the rights outlined in the Bill of Rights. This vague amendment makes room for women to choose contraception and abortion.
TENTH AMENDMENT. The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.
This allows the federal government to defer back to the states any issues it finds too complicated or divisive to deal with on their own, like the legal age of sexual consent.
1803 T HE L OUISIANA P URCHASE
…forced to don a beret and pretend he appreciated the works of French impressionist painters
T.J. Loved the Magic Beads
President Thomas Jefferson, looking to expand the size of the United States, was hopeful that the Spanish government would agree to sell the Louisiana Territory to him for a price that even those enjoying the financial freedom of living below the poverty line could afford. Instead, Spain's King Charles IV turned over the territory to the French as an apology for a Spanish cycling team failing a post-race drug test in the Tour De France of 1802. Now that the territory was owned by the difficult-to-deal-with French, the United States lost the right to use the New Orleans port's warehouses to store the magical beads that encourage woman of various breast sizes to remove their tops for the viewing pleasure of an intoxicated male audience during Mardi Gras every year. Jefferson was now forced to don a beret and pretend he appreciated the works of French impressionist painters in an effort to acquire the land he so dearly desired.
A “We're Going to War” Sale
Jefferson and his secretary of state, James (Dolly) Madison, began diplomatic efforts with the French in lieu of the more popular military option. In hopes of finding a John Lennon — inspired “give peace a chance” solution, Jefferson sent Madison to Paris as a diplomat. Upon Madison's arrival, he was pleasantly surprised to hear that Napoleon's desire to conquer Europe was suffering through a lack of funding and the French plan to re-establish itself in the United States was being abandoned. France's minister of finance advised the French government that they could not afford to send troops to occupy the entire Mississippi Valley.HE WARNED THAT IF A CONFLICT BROKE OUT, THE HYGIENIST- FREE BRITISH WOULD COME DOWN AND ATTACK FROM JOHN CANDY'S HOMELAND, RESULTING IN HEAVY LOSSES BOTH FINANCIALLY AND MILITARILY.The minister viewed the area as a liability, apparently knowing nothing of the properties of the magical New Orleans beads. Fortunately enough, Napoleon's need for cash motivated him, and he agreed with his advisor, coming to the conclusion to sell the territory to the land-hungry United States.
Desperately needing cash, the French quickly agreed to sell the Louisiana territory including New Orleans for $15 million, an amount that far exceeded what Jefferson had authorized. The purchase effectively doubled the size of the United States, making room for illegal immigrants for centuries to come. The approximately 600 million acres were acquired for about four cents an acre or the equivalent of modern-day real estate values in Nebraska.
1804 L EWIS AND C LARK
Known as seasoned travelers, they always packed each other's stuff the night before a trip
Jefferson's Wet American Dream
President Thomas Jeff erson found the
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