The Star Diaries by Stanislaw Lem Read Free Book Online Page B

follows: … planets on which life cannot spontaneously originate have these distinguishing features: A) radical climatic changes in rapidly alternating sequences (i.e. the so-called cycle ‘spring-summer-autumn- w inter’) or those even more cataclysmic, occurring at great intervals (ice ages); B) the presence of large natural satellites; their tidal influences also are inimical to life; C) frequently appearing maculations on the surface of the central or mother star, as these are a source of deleterious radiation; D) the preponderance, in area, of seas over continents; E) persistent glaciation in the polar regions; F) the atmospheric precipitation of water in its solid or liquid state … As one can plainly see…”
    “Point of order!!” cried my Rhohch, jumping up as if fired with some new hope. “I ask whether the delegation from Iridia will vote in favor of the motion, or against it.”
    “In favor of the motion, but with an amendment we shall shortly propose to this Esteemed Assembly,” the Iridian replied, then went on:
    “Revered Council! At the nine hundred and eighteenth session of the General Assembly, in this very hall, we considered the application for membership of a race of bungbrain abominoids, who presented themselves to us as ‘supremious everlasters,’ while in actual fact their forms were so impermanent that during the abovementioned session of the Assembly the composition of this abominite delegation changed fifteen times, though the session itself lasted no more than eight hundred years. These wretched creatures, when the time arrived to submit the curriculum vitae of their race, became hopelessly entangled in contradictions, solemnly assuring the Esteemed Assembly—though, mind you, without a shred of evidence—that they had been created by a certain Supreme Mover in his own perfect image, owing to which circumstance they were—among other things—spiritually immortal. Then when it came to light that their planet fit exactly the bionegative conditions of hyperdoctor Phrogghrus, the Joint Plenary Assembly appointed a special Investigative Subcommittee, and that body confirmed that the race of screwheads under suspicion had arisen not as a result of any prank of nature, but instead due to a regrettable incident brought about by third parties.”
    (“What’s he saying? Hush! Not true! Kindly remove that claw, you deviate!” went the commotion in the hall, growing by the minute.)
    “The findings of the Investigative Subcommittee,” continued the Iridian, “led to the passage, at the next session of the UP, of an amendment to article two of the United Planets Charter, which amendment reads as follows (here he unrolled a lengthy parchment and cleared his throat):
A categorical ban is hereby imposed on the engagement in any life-initiating activities on all planets of the Phrogghrus type A, B, C, D or E, also the authorities in charge of research expeditions as well as commanders of ships that land upon such globes are as of now instructed to see to—and therefore held fully responsible for—the strict observance of the aforesaid ban. This includes not only deliberate life-engendering practices like the sowing of algae, bacteria and so forth, but also the unintentional induction of bioevolution, whether through negligence or in absent-mindedness. Such contraceptive prophylaxis is dictated by the best intentions and knowledge of the UP, and particularly in cognizance of the following facts. In the first place—the natural hostility of an environment which one has externally inoculated with microorganisms gives rise, in the course of their subsequent evolution, to deviations and deformities of a sort never encountered within the domain of natural biogenesis. Secondly—these adverse circumstances produce species which are not only defective physiologically, but burdened as well with the severest forms of psychic abnormality; and if under such conditions there should develop beings