The Stiff and the Dead by Lori Avocato Read Free Book Online Page A

have to deal with me, old lady.” With that she turned and walked out.
    â€œYour breath smells like smoke,” I called out after her, then turned to see the toothless woman grin. What a stupid thing to say, yeah, I knew it. But at least the toothless woman found it humorous. Me, I needed to slink out of there and get back to being myself.
    This case might prove much more complicated than I thought.
    After my run-in with Helen, I tried to stay clear of her. For as much as I wanted to head back to my condo and change, I hadn’t really accomplished anything here yet. Goldie had said I needed to “hang out” around this place more, and I knew he was right. He always gave me the best advice to learn how to do my job, and I had yet to give up even when reality hit me in the face. I’d always been that stubborn kid who persisted when everyone else quit.
    Pretending I couldn’t see a wave from my Uncle Stash, who, I’m guessing, wanted to dance, I turned to look around the room. Hey, the poor vision of old age had its benefits, and I drew the line at dancing with either uncle—and not because of Helen’s threat. There at the snack table stood Sophie. Mental note to myself: When looking for Sophie, find food.
    Before Uncle Stash came up to me, I scurried over there and wriggled between two elderly women to get next to Sophie. “This is such a lovely place. I’m so glad I came here.”
    She gave me an odd look while she chewed what I guessed was her six dozenth cookie. Sugar-free, yeah, right. What about the fat content?
    â€œIt’s a place to meet folks.” She took a swig of coffee.
    â€œYes. Yes it surely is. Where else could we go—”
    â€œSaint Bartholomew’s has Bingo tonight.”
    Bingo. Maybe this disguise wasn’t such a good idea. Now I had to sit through Bingo. I’d had years of that, keeping Uncle Walt company because I was the only single one in our family—don’t get my mother started on that. I never could keep up with the numbers and letters being called and who the heck could remember if they were looking for a straight Bingo, corners only, postage stamps, diagonal or whatever. I never could. I’d have to think about this one.
    One of the ladies I’d shoved over to get next to Sophie turned to me. “Yes, Sophie is a wiz at Bingo and all the men make a point to sit at her table.”
    I told myself a nice, hot shower would erase that image, but then realized something. If Sophie were ill and needed all the numerous medications that she filed claims for, Peggy would have to spend more time with her to form a diagnosis. One thing for sure, she didn’t have any digestive problems, by the way she packed in the cookies.
    â€œBingo sounds like fun. May I join you tonight?”
    Her mouth too full to talk, Sophie shrugged.
    I said my goodbyes and walked as slowly as a woman of my “age” should until I got outside. Then I jogged to my car and leaped inside. Goldie had some work to do on this makeup stuff, and I had to borrow another dress. Couldn’t go to Bingo in the same outfit.
    Then a comforting thought struck.
    After this glimpse into my future, I realized I would remain pretty much the same person, only wrinkled.

    Miles opened Goldie’s door after I’d rung the bell. As I pushed past him, he grabbed my arm. “Excuse me, ma’am. May I help you?”
    I turned around. “Queen.”
    He screeched.
    A pitiful laugh emanated from the bedroom. I looked to see Goldie, wrapped in a golden silk robe, hanging onto the doorframe.
    Miles looked from Goldie to me. “I don’t see what is so funny.” Then he focused on me. “Why, I never!”
    Compassion had been inbred in me so I leaned near him. “Relax, Miles, it’s me. Pauline?”
    â€œWhat the hell?”
    Goldie continued laughing as he came into the living room and collapsed on the couch. After covering