The Stiff and the Dead by Lori Avocato Read Free Book Online

attracted to him! “I . . . my . . . I have to go. Go. Yes. Go.”
    Damn, but my body was confused.
    Joey gave me a polite smile and gestured toward the hallway. “Second door on the left.”
    â€œHmm?”
    â€œLadies’ room?”
    As I nodded and scurried away from Joey, I wondered if my red-hot complexion showed through the layers of pancake makeup and fake wrinkles. I had to look ruddier than feverish Goldie.
    I didn’t know what was more humiliating, my reaction to an old man or his thinking I was a candidate for adult diapers. That crossed my mind as I ran down the hallway and into the ladies’ room. With my bladder only a third the age of most women at the center, I really didn’t need to be in here as Joey assumed, but when I got a look at myself in the mirror, I was damn glad he’d gotten confused.
    The “wrinkles” Goldie had fashioned with some tape and pancake makeup were sliding to the side of my face. Gave my eyes an Asian flavor. Oh, boy. I hoped no one noticed. Then again, most of these folks had vision that ran in the triple digits. I convinced myself I was safe. Then I hurried into a stall and grabbed a handful of toilet tissue. Back at the mirror, I wiped the sides ever so gently so as not to yank the wrinkles off.
    The door opened.
    My hand froze.
    I turned around in time to see Helen lighting a cigarette. No wonder the deep voice. Her head flew up, our gazes locked, and I’m not sure who was more embarrassed, she or I.
    When she looked at the tissue, I decided it was me.
    Then I noticed the huge “NO SMOKING” sign on the wall to the left. Gotcha. I squinted at her—and then began to cough my brains out.
    â€œShit.” She nonchalantly headed to the sink, took one long pull on the cigarette, then ran water over it and dumped it into the trash.
    Suddenly I remembered the wrinkles and figured if I coughed too hard, they’d end up on my droopy chest. After a quick peek in the mirror showed me my wrinkles would pass for now, I started to turn.
    â€œSo, where the hell did you come from anyway?” she asked.
    I’m guessing Helen was not known for being tactful. “Excuse me?” I tried to make my voice sound like my grandmother’s, but truthfully, I sounded more like a thirty-four-year-old trying to sound over seventy. Helen didn’t seem to notice or if she did, she didn’t care. She was more concerned about where I had come from and how long I’d be here. Cutting into your territory, Helen? I wondered.
    She pushed past me and headed into one of the stalls. I could make my getaway now, but that would be rude. I didn’t want to be a rude elderly widow. Helen seemed to have that label down pat.
    Two other women came in and nodded. One went into the other stall and the other went to wash out her dentures. Damn. I found my tongue running across my teeth, thankful they didn’t come out.
    â€œWhere’d you come from and how long you gonna be in Hope Valley?” Helen asked.
    Feeling foolish talking to her feet, I turned and looked at myself in the mirror. The woman without her dentures leaned closer. “Stay out of the sun, honey, and give Botox a try,” she said with her tongue slapping at her gums.
    Hmm, she had darn smooth skin. “Thanks.” I sighed and turned enough so she couldn’t see my slipping wrinkles anymore. “I’m here, visiting my nephew, Helen. Dear boy.”
    The toilet flushed. The door opened and she walked out still zipping up her slacks. “How long?”
    â€œWell, maybe a month or two.” Or until your buddy Sophie is locked up.
    â€œMonth or two.” She came closer.
    I backed up.
    Didn’t stop her as she nearly stepped on Mrs. Honeysuckle’s shoe. “Keep away from Walt and Stash.”
    My elderly hackles rose. “Well, I never. If I want to dance with any of those gentlemen—”
    â€œThen you’ll