The Troublesome Offspring of Cardinal Guzman by Louis De Bernières Read Free Book Online Page A

forgotten, but is it not a little soon?’
    I laughed at her innocence. ‘Come now, Ena, one can do it as often as one likes.’
    She looked very dubious, pursed her lips, and said, ‘O, I do not think that I am ready yet.’
    ‘Yes, you are,’ I said, remembering the successful decisiveness of that man in
Gone With The Wind.
‘And if you are not, you very soon will be.’
    That night Ena was quite different from the previous one, demonstrating once again her protean quality. She begged me repeatedly to be kind and simpatico, and at first seemed unable to relax, but eventually things proceeded just as sweetly as they had the night before. This time she stayed with me all night, waking me in the morning with a tinto, a lingering kiss, and the words, ‘I do love you.’
    Come and live with me, and we will say those words each morning.’
    ‘I will come back this evening, and we can sort everything out. Right now, I am going to wash.’
    She returned with her flesh glowing and her hair straightened out, and I said to her, ‘Querida, how did you manage to lose your virginity twice?’ I pointed to the second small blot of blood upon the sheet.
    ‘How odd,’ she exclaimed, but then added, ‘I was still a little sore from the first time, and I thought that I had not healed up. That is why I said that I was not ready.’ She was not looking at me, and I thought that she was trying to hide a smile and a blush, but I thought no more of it. I am no expert upon the technicalities of virginity, since a virgin these days is a very rare thing, and was quite outside my otherwise fairly extensive experience. I asked, ‘How does one get blood off sheets?’
    ‘O, just soak it and put salt upon it, or something.’
    ‘Well, it is not important. Perhaps I will keep it there for a keepsake.’
    She patted me upon the cheek and said, ‘You will have all of me as a keepsake, and not only my blood.’
    That night, two shadows detached themselves from the darkness, and walked arm in arm towards where I stood leaning against the jambs of my door. I had been having a mock wrestling-match with one of my cats, and was covered in dust because the animal haddecided that for once it would not let me win. I thought, ‘Now who has Ena brought with her?’ I realised that she was with another girl, and I speculated that she might have brought a friend with her.
    But when they emerged into the light of the hurricane lamps I was transfixed with astonishment. Speechless, I sat down heavily and reached like an automaton for a cigarette. My hands were shaking so much that I dropped my fósforos on the floor, and sat there so ridiculously with the unlit cigarette dangling from my lips, that both the girls burst into giggles. At length one of them said, ‘Does this explain anything?’
    ‘Two?’ I asked, stupidly. ‘Two? There were always two?’
    They both nodded, and the one on the right said, ‘I am Lena, and this is Ena.’
    ‘Say that you are not angry with us,’ said Lena in a wheedling tone of voice. She sat on the floor and rested her chin on my knee so that she could tease me by looking up at me in mock-penitence with those big brown eyes, and Ena came beside me and ruffled my hair. They then began the infernal double act which has been the bane and the joy of my life ever since. Lena said, ‘No, do not be angry. This all started as a piece of fun to tease the Mexicano. You know, everyone thinks that Mexicanos are stupid, so that it seemed to be a good joke.’
    ‘But,’ continued Ena, ‘we both liked listening to you, and then we both fell in love with you, and suddenly everything became very serious. And then it was too late.’
    Lena added, ‘And part of the game was not to tell each other what had happened, to give you a chance to guess, but you never did.’
    All I could do was repeat, ‘Two? Two?’ in an idiotic tone of voice, as everything suddenly became clear, and the secret of ‘Ena’s’ protean nature was