The Weight of Destiny by Nyrae Dawn Read Free Book Online Page A

wasn’t as though she hadn’t been doing well for a while, but we all knew there was a little worry when it came to him being gone for more than a workday.
    One of her personalities, Samantha, had once thrown a party when Dad was at work. Not the kind of party most parents go to, either. Once Robin had been afraid someone would break in, and I had to hide with her in the closet until Dad got home.
    Yes, I’m being serious. I can’t put into words what it’s like to see my own mom that way. To see her face, and her hair, and her hands. To recognize the scent of her, but to know she’s not the one in control. That later she’ll be back, and when she finds out what she’s done, she’ll be broken. That’s typically when the depression would sink in.
    Dad promised it would be okay. Mom promised she would be fine.
    I knew otherwise.
    Monday, things had been fine. Tuesday as well. Wednesday, I got up for school to see Mom sitting in a chair in my room watching me, practically bouncing with too much excitement.
    “Finally! It’s about time you got up. Let’s go! I want to get out of here, and your dad will freak if I don’t take you with me.”
    It wasn’t Mom. It was Samantha.
    “Where do you want to go?” I remember noticing the shake in my own voice.
    “There’s a concert in Los Angeles. If we leave soon, we can make it.” She pushed to her feet.
    My eyes darted to the side to look for the phone but it wasn’t there.
    “I took it. Like I didn’t know the first thing you would do is try to call your dad. He ruins all the fun.”
    My heart beat so hard it started to hurt. “I can’t go. I have school. They’ll call Dad if I’m not there.”
    “And we’ll already be on the road by then. If I leave you here, you’ll call him the second I go. Come on. What kind of kid are you? You’re supposed to want adventure. You’re supposed to want excitement!”
    That had been the first time I wondered if something was wrong with me. If I had it wrong and she was right. If being responsible didn’t mean I was crazy. What kind of kid told on their own parent?
    A little burst of excitement lit under my skin. It felt like a mini-explosion. I’d never been to L.A. It could be fun taking the six-hour drive.
    “Seriously, show me you’re not such a bore. Let’s go, Lulu.” Calling me a bore was the reminder that feeling excitement over something like this was wrong. I didn’t want to be like her. She was Samantha and she did crazy things and caused problems for Dad and I.
    Even when she was Mom, she was the girl whose mother had left her when she was a teen. She’d never told anyone, deciding to be homeless instead, painting murals around the cities she visited and writing stories about them.
    She’d told me most of the stories.
    Right then, she was Samantha, and Samantha hated me because I was a responsibility.
    “I won’t tell. I promise. Just go.” It wasn’t like I couldn’t get myself to school okay for a few days. Even then I’d known it.
    “Don’t have to tell me twice.” She’d made her way to the door and stopped. “Are you sure, kid? It’ll be a blast. Live a little.”
    I’d paused. Really paused. Then I shook my head and she left.
    It was the first time I hated my mom, because for a second, she’d made me want to go. That scared me more than anything. I’d almost lost control and done something reckless. I’d wanted to.
    I don’t know why, but it’s that story that plays in my head as Hailey and Jamie try and talk to me over lunch. No, not just talk, we do that every day. I knew that sooner or later they would ask me about the incident at school. I guess they’d been biding their time, waiting to ambush me.
    There’s brief seconds where I want to tell them everything and that scares the crap out of me.
    “Ah.” I nod my head. That’s where the memory came from, because I almost let go of my control today, just like I had that day.
    “Ah, what?” Jamie asks, a heavy weight in