The Wonder Worker by Susan Howatch Read Free Book Online

crossed himself and said a final prayer. “May the grace of Our Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and …” I lost track again.I was trying to dredge up the courage to face the sight of Aunt, immobile and unchanged despite all our efforts.
    “… Amen,” concluded Nicholas.
    I managed to look at her. Nothing had happened. The entire exercise had been a complete waste of time, and now I felt not only deeply embarrassed but unspeakably angry. Releasing the claw I thought: how insane to beg God for justice! Everyone knew there was no real justice in this world, everyone. Life was always so vilely unfair.
    “Alice.”
    I jumped. Confused by my rage I thought at first that Val was addressing me, but I couldn’t think why she should be whispering.
    I turned to her but she was silent. In fact she wasn’t even looking at me. She was staring open-mouthed down the bed at Aunt, and a second later, as the shock hit me like a bullet between the eyes, I suddenly realised what was going on.

2
    You need help and support as you resolve to journey
with
your pain rather than to anaesthetise it at regular intervals … Key relationships are crucial.
    GARETH TUCKWELL AND DAVID FLAGG
    A Question of Healing
    I
    Nicholas
was at my side in a flash. “She’s blind,” he said. “Take her hand again.”
    I collapsed to my knees by the bed, grabbed Aunt’s claw and leant over her so that my face was inches from hers. “I’m here,” I said. “I’m here—”
    She whispered my name again but could say nothing else.
    “Stay where you are,” said Nicholas to me. Reaching forward he stroked Aunt’s lank, sparse hair gently with his fingers. “Take your time,” he said to her. “Alice is listening. She won’t go away.”
    Aunt’s face finally changed.
    The gaze was no longer vacant. Her eyes were anxious. The muscles on one side of her mouth were twitching. Her shallow breathing became rapid in her agitation.
    Before I could stop myself I was gabbling: “I’m sorry for all the times I let you down by not being clever or pretty, I’m sorry I wasn’t what you wanted, I’m sorry you had to put up with me all those years, but I’m trying so hard to keep you out of hospital, I’m trying so hard to keep my promise—” I broke off, unable to continue, but Aunt was paying no attention. Her entire will was focused on the task of speaking, and the moment I fell silent she whisperedfor the third time: “Alice.” I saw the veins stand out on her forehead as she made this enormous effort to communicate. Then as Nicholas laid a finger delicately against the twitching muscle at the corner of her mouth she uttered two words in succession. They were: “
Dear
Alice.”
    Everything changed. Past, present, future—all were tossed in the melting-pot, and when they emerged again the past had been rewritten, the present was transformed and the future was redesigned.
    “This is what you wanted, wasn’t it, Miss Harrison?” said Nicholas to her. “You wanted so much to talk to Alice one more time.”
    Aunt’s claw tightened around my hand. I thought at first it was an involuntary spasm but it wasn’t. The spasm didn’t subside. She was using all her strength to hold my hand and utter another word.
    Frantically I said to Nicholas: “I didn’t hear that. What did she say?”
    “ ‘Forgive.’ ”
    “You’re saying you forgive me?” I said to Aunt. “You forgive me for not being the sort of child you wanted?”
    Aunt became more agitated. Her breathing was shallower, and one side of her face was now contorted.
    “I think, Alice,” said Nicholas at last, “that it’s you who’s being asked to do the forgiving.”
    “Oh my God …” I tore off my glasses with a sob and chucked them down on the bed. “Why, you silly old woman, what’s there to forgive? You took me in and looked after me and—” I broke off as I realised Aunt was trying to interrupt. Again she said: “Forgive,” and this time I recognised the word