Theodora Twist
holding Sophie, which elicits more nice-talk of how cute she is and how old she is and “do any of you have kids?” None of Theodora’s People has children, so baby convo is thankfully cut short. My mom puts Sophie in her playpen with a giant Big Bird toy and a teething ring, which means that whoever these people are, they’re important.
    “And I’ll bet this lovely young lady is our regular teen!” says the redhead in the white pantsuit. She’s wearing a ton of silver jewelry.
    The man flashes his super white teeth at me. He’s wearing a backwards baseball cap, despite his business suit and shiny black shoes. He also has a tiny silver hoop earring, even though he has to be around Stew’s age.
    “You’re right,” Stew says, slinging an arm around my shoulder. “This is Emily.”
    Theodora’s People stand around the living room and eyeball me approvingly. Apparently, I’ve passed some sort of big test. All of them whisper back and forth in short exclamations: “She couldn’t be more of a regular teen! Love the no-makeup look! A mall-store Prada rip-off shirt, no-brand jeans with a cute belt, sparkly purple toe-nail polish, and her hair in trendy pigtails—just perfect!”
    They smile and nod and stare. The redhead is taking notes. The woman in the feather shoes circles me like a fly. “Uncanny,” she says, looking me up and down, down and up. Her almost-black, bobbed-with-bangs hair flops around her cat’s-eye glasses, which are also glen plaid. She stops in front of me and smiles. “Emily, my name is Ashley Bean, and I’m Theodora Twist’s agent and manager. These are my colleagues, Blair Babcock, a television producer, and Michael Simms, Theodora’s attorney.”
    Theodora Twist is everywhere. She’s in lockers. She’s on movie screens. And now her “People,” for reasons I can’t fathom, are in my house.
    “Okay, Emily,” Ashley says with a clap of her hands. “Pop quiz time!”
    Is this one of those “If you can name Theodora Twist’s movies and the character she played, you will win a trip to the Bahamas or tickets to the movie”? I hope it’s for the trip and not free passes to Family. Seen it.
    Ashley is beaming at me. “What do you get if you take away Theodora Twist’s glossy blond hair, her huge blue eyes, her exquisite beauty, her adorable name, her multimillion-dollar bank account, her cozy mansion in the Hollywood Hills, her rock star boyfriends, her successful acting career, and her jet-setting, glamorous life at age sixteen?”
    You get Dora Twistler. But that’s too easy. It must be a trick question. But there’s no other possible answer. “Dora Twistler?” I finally say in the form of a question, despite the fact that I’m not a contestant on Jeopardy!
    “You are absolutely right,” Ashley says. “You get just a regular, everyday teenager. And that’s who Theodora Twist is at heart.”
    I expect them all to start laughing, but they don’t. The People look very serious. They sit and open briefcases.
    Blair, the television producer, opens a folder in her lap and turns to my mom and Stew. “Would you like to fill Emily in on our prior discussion or shall I share the great news?”
    Prior discussion? Great news? Ah—the mysterious hour-long phone call. The closed doors. Now it all makes sense. My mom’s not in talks with her former boss to go back to work. She’s been in talks with the People. Why?
    “Emily, come sit down,” Stew says, patting the butter-scotch leather love seat. “Your mother and I have a big surprise for you!”
    Maybe I’m being offered a part as an extra in an upcoming Theodora Twist movie? My birthday came and went three months ago with very little Sweet Sixteen–ishness. Perhaps my parents arranged something with Theodora’s People in lieu of throwing me a huge, expensive Sweet Sixteen that all of two people would attend.
    “Theodora is famous for her acting talent and her beauty,” Ashley tells me. “But she’s becoming even more

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