THIS Is Me... by Sarah Ann Walker Read Free Book Online

can make a difference.”
      “But we have-”
      “You have nothing other than false hope on your side.  But I have Suzanne on my side.  I know she wants this because she told me.  Suzanne doesn't want to be like this anymore.”  
      Ha!  You're right Marcus. I don't want to be like this anymore. 
      “Marcus, I have to show you something.”
  “I'm not interested.”
  “Marcus please.  Just look at me for a minute.  Just look at what I have here.  I'm begging you.”
  “Listen, Kayla, it doesn't matter.  There is nothing-”
  “Look Marcus.”
  “What is...? Oh my god... THAT'S NOT TRUE!”  
      What?!  What's not true?
  “It IS true.  This is real, and this is Suzanne.”
  “No, it isn't.  It isn't even possible!  She wasn’t like that.”  
      Like what?!
  “Suzanne was like that, and she would be happy about this.”
  “Actually, she really wouldn't...”  
      Holy shit!  Marcus is sobbing.  What did I do?
  “Marcus-”
  “Get out of here Kayla.  NOW!  I want to be alone with my wife now.  I want to be alone with her.  She needs me.  Suzanne needs me to stop all this for her.  She doesn't want this.  She never wanted this.”
  “Marcus, please listen to me.  This isn't about you anymore.  This is about Suzanne now.”
  “I KNOW THAT!  It was always about Suzanne.  It's ALWAYS been about Suzanne.  Christ!  Every minute of every single day with Suzanne has been about Suzanne.  But it's too much now.  It's too much for us, so I'm helping her.  I'm going to make this all go away for her.  I'm going to end this now.”  
  Make what go away?  What did I do?  Shit!  I thought I was being good here.  I thought I was being a good girl, all quiet and still.  Being quiet and still is what everyone wants from me.  It's what I always do.  No one gets mad at me when I'm quiet and still.  So what did I do wrong?

  “…Suzanne takes your hand, and she leads you down the river...”  
      Oh god, Marcus sounds like he’s moaning.
  “What are you talking about Marcus?  What are you singing?”
  “… and  you  know that she's half crazy, but that's why you want to be there...”
  “Marcus what are you doing?”
     
     
     
      Oh my god... I love this song.  Why is Marcus singing it to me?  Why is he singing?  Marcus only sang this song once to me.  One time on our honeymoon, Marcus sang 'Suzanne' and I wept and asked him to stop. 
      Marcus knows he can't sing this song to me.  Marcus knows I can't hear this song.  
      This song is too much for me.  This song is too beautiful to me.  This song is too beautiful FOR me.  I have always known I wasn't enough for him.  I have always known THIS Suzanne wasn't great enough for Mr. Cohen’s Suzanne.
      Why is he doing this to me?!

  “ Marcus, you're talking a little strangely right now.  Would you like to go get a coffee with me?  Why don't we just go grab something from the cafeteria for a few minutes?  We can come right back if you'd like.”
  “No, I'm fine.  But you're not going to be.  You have exactly 10 seconds to get the hell out of my face Kayla before I make your life a living hell!  Do you understand what I'm saying to you?  Do you HEAR ME, Kayla?”
  “Are you threatening me, Marcus?”  
      Holy SHIT!  What the hell is happening here?
  “Yes I am, Kayla.  So get out now, before I fucking hurt you like I'm going to hurt Suzanne.”   WHAT?!
  “Okay Marcus, I’ll leave.  And thank you.”
  “Thank you for WHAT?!  You think I'm just an asshole and a monster.”
  “Yes I do.  But you just gave me the ammunition I needed to stop you, so thanks for that!  You fucking dickhead!”  WHAT?!        
  “Kayla, what are you talking about?  It's too late!”
  “No, it isn't!  HELP!  Security!!  HELP ME!!!”  
      Holy SHIT!  Why is she SCREAMING?!  Oh god…

  I'm so tired from trying to