Toxic (Better Than You) by Raquel Valldeperas Read Free Book Online Page A

enticing, intoxicating. But I’m numb, unaware, empty. Sam surfaces from Brody’s chest long enough to glance my way. We hold each other’s eyes, promises and vows linking us together forever.
                  Danny’s hand snakes underneath my shirt, hot against my back, inching higher, higher. I feel his heat, know he’s there, but I don’t care. He pulls me close again, twirls a piece of my hair in his fingers. Caresses a trail down my neck, chest, cleavage. I don’t react because I can’t.
                  “You’re mine, you know that, right?” he says, holding my eyes and licking his lips.
                  “Yes,” I respond, automatic, robotic, instinctive.
                  His lips hover right above mine, holding me there, submissive. “Good girl,” he says before kissing me.
                  I’m a very good girl.
    ~~
                  History repeats itself, the teacher says, and I think how insanely true that is.
    The numbness has passed and now I’m thinking, contemplating, wondering. I think about my life and the bleakness of it, the comfort I have in it. I contemplate my feelings towards Danny, a mixture of hate and need and confusion. I wonder where I’ll end up, if I’ll be just like Mom with a kid I don’t care about, a different boyfriend every week and a dose of drugs every day.
    This is the time when I realize how weak I am, because even though Danny disgusts me, I don’t want to be without him. Even though he treats me like his property, like a prize, an object, I don’t walk away from him because I’m not sure anyone else would want me. Danny keeps me around, keeps my bottle full, keeps everyone else away. In a way, he protects me, fills me, loves me. I know that he’s everything I need and exactly what I deserve. I don’t know what I’ll do once he graduates.
    When school’s over, Danny meets me at the doors to the parking lot like he does every day. Sam comes out later, again attached to Brody, and the four of us walk to our cars. But I don’t go with Sam. I never do. Danny takes me to the apartment he shares with his brother, and keeps me there until its dark. Today’s no different.
    Before Sam gets into her car, she looks at me and mouths, “Are you okay?”
    After checking to make sure Danny’s not watching, I nod back, because it’s the only thing I know to do. Pretend that everything’s fine. Pretend that I’m okay. Since the accident, Sam doesn’t ask questions more than once. We don’t talk about anything that can’t be seen and we definitely don’t talk about Sophia and her now empty house.
    Danny grabs my hand and leads the way to his truck. Once we’re inside, he turns and looks at me, and my heart beats in overdrive. I need more V ic. If I can feel my heart beating than I’m feeling too much. I won’t make it through the rest of the day without it.
    “Why does Sam watch us so much?” he asks angrily.
    I don’t know what answer will make him mad, so I settle for ignorance. He likes it when he knows something I don’t. “What do you mean?”
    He moves quickly, grabbing my upper arm and pulling me so close that I can smell his breath; cigarette smoke and mint. “Don’t fucking play stupid, Logan. You know damn well what I mean.”
    Now I really don’t know what to do. If I suddenly answer him like I know what he’s been talking about the whole time, it’ll be obvious that I’m lying. But if I keep pl aying dumb, he’ll just keep being angry. It’s a lose, lose situation either way.
    “I haven’t seen her watch us, babe, but maybe what you’re seeing is just girl stuff? You know how we are,” I say to appease him. My answer doesn’t question him and it doesn’t admit or deny anything. Two points for me.
    He searches my eyes intently, waiting for me to break or something but I won’t break because I can’t, not now. Then he pulls my lips to his roughly and runs his hand