Toxic (Better Than You) by Raquel Valldeperas Read Free Book Online

front tire. We tell them that we couldn’t wake Sophia and were afraid to move her. An older paramedic leads us over to an ambulance and checks our injuries, deciding that we need to go the hospital. There’s no argument from us as he moves Sam to her own ambulance and sets her up on a stretcher. In fact, I lie down willingly because my body just hurts so much.
    The bright lights of the hospital hurt my eyes. They make me nervous. They make me feel exposed, vulnerable. I cry out for Sam, but all I see is people in blue scrubs and all I feel is their gloved hands, poking and prodding and touching too much. I try to push them away. I scream as they cut my dress open. Tears are streaming down my face, I know, because they’re so warm and I’m so cold and sleepy. But there are too many people and too much noise and too much pain. I thrash my arms and legs, trying to break free, but they hold me down and then, out of all of the things my body is feeling, there’s a pinch on my neck and the world starts to slow down.
    It gets quiet.
    Everything starts to blur.
    And then it goes black. And I’m alone. I’m always alone.

10
    November 23 rd , 2006
                  The top pops open easily enough. Child proof, my ass , I think. A five year old could figure this shit out. Two pills shake out onto my hand and I throw them in my mouth, swallowing them down without water. They’re bitter, but just for now. Soon they’ll be sweet and welcome and just what I need. Looking down at my exposed stomach, I rub the barely there scar and say a silent thank you. If it wasn’t for that car accident last year, I wouldn’t have gotten to know my new friend, Vicodin. He came into my life at a perfect time, just when I needed to be numb to the world. I call him Vic for short. Needless to say, we know each other very intimately.
                  For reasons I can’t seem to remember, I get dressed and walk outside to meet Sam at her car. Thankfully her dad is as allergic to mornings as Mom and lets her take the car during the week as long as she lets her brother ride along. It works out perfectly for all of us. And Vic helps me forget what driving with her makes me remember.
                  “You look hot,” Sam lets me know as I slide into the passenger seat. Her eyes are glazed over, just like mine, and I give her a knowing smile.
                  “You guys are gross,” her brother mutters from the backseat.
                  I turn around to face him while Sam backs out of my driveway, giving him a fake pout. “You don’t think I look hot, Jeremiah?”
                  His eyes turn round like saucers. Being two years younger than us, Sam and I make it our personal jobs to ensure that he’s uncomfortable at every turn. I push my boobs closer together and watch as his eyes drift down to my cleavage before shooting back up to my face. “That’s not what I meant,” he says, blushing.
                  “It’s okay, Jeremiah. You can show me how sorry you are later,” I say with a wink.
                  Sam only laughs, because she knows I’m not serious, but I can tell Jeremiah’s mind starts to race. Poor boy . As soon as I turn around, Vic starts to kick in and numbs me blissfully. I don’t know how Sam manages to drive while on this stuff, but I don’t even bother thinking about it any further than that. It would be impossible to anyways.
                  We pull into the parking lot of school, in our usual spot, and Danny makes his way to my side of the car. The door opens and he’s pulling me out, up, into him.
                  “Hey, baby,” he purrs into my ear.
                  I let him guide me, hold me, own me. He makes his rounds, never letting go, but it’s okay because I can’t feel anything. The guys leer at me, the girls sneer at me. I’m wanted and envied and it should be thrilling,