Trust: Betrayed by Cristiane Serruya Read Free Book Online

not being self-centered. I demand excellence from those who work with me. I don’t tolerate laziness, I don’t accept unpunctuality or rudeness. And I hate mediocrity. I give my best, always, and so must the ones that work with me.”
    His eyebrows were almost at his hairline, “Exacting, aren’t you?”
    “Yes,” she confirmed. “We, my siblings and I, were raised by my grandparents, Alistair. A Portuguese upbringing. Very different from the Carioca one. They could have chosen to pamper and pity us, trying to make up for what we had lost. But they didn’t, because nothing would ever make up for my parents’ death. We had everything: love, attention, the best money could buy, but we were taught that we had to first give to then receive. And they only praised us when we endeavored to achieve the best we could. They brought out the best in us.”
    “A little harsh, don’t you think? You were so little, even your brother was young, when your parents died.”
    She thought for a moment, before answering, “You know, it may seem a little harsh, but it made me who I am and I am grateful for it. I wouldn’t exchange it for a less challenging upbringing. If I hadn’t been taught how to be strong and face difficulties, my father-in-law would have destroyed me when Gabriel died.”
    “What?”
    “A very long and complicated story,” she ended the subject and he let go, sensing it was a sore subject.
    “You know, Sophia, I never thought I would engage in another relationship...”
    She put a forkful in her mouth gaining time.
Hmm. Treacherous territory. Should I ask?
“And how do you feel about it?”
    He smiled. “Are you trying to analyze me?”
    “Why. Isn’t this a normal question for an unusual statement? Specially after what we were just talking about, Lord Misogynist?”
    Should I answer?
He chewed his fish, thoughtfully, and decided for stalling. “An unusual statement?”
    “I would say so. Everyone wants to feel loved and to love, and, to do so, a relationship or commitment is a prerequisite. If not, it’s not love, it’s unilateral adoration. In that light, don’t you think your statement is unusual? Don’t you think I would like to know how you are feeling about it? Do you know how you feel about it?”
    “How long have you been in therapy, Doctor Leibowitz?” he teased.
    She smiled sadly and looked down at her plate from a moment before raising her eyes to look into his green ones, “Since I lost my parents. I have a fifteen year unofficial PhD on the subject.”
    The inevitable and brutal truth made Alistair’s heart squeeze in his chest as he pictured a small orphaned Sophia. He curled a lock of her raven hair around his fingers. “And does it help?” he asked quietly.
    “A lot. But you didn’t answer my question, Lord Slippery. How do you feel about our relationship?”
    “I told you yesterday, have you forgotten?”
    “Do you think you can outsmart me in this game, Alistair Connor?” She didn’t fall prey to his game of hide and seek. “Humor me again, please.”
    “Sophia...” his deep voice was low as he confessed, “you have to understand that I was... I was so numb, only violence could touch me. I felt old and jaded. Cruelty came easily to me, maybe too easily. I felt a deep need to punish and be punished by my disgust with myself. I didn’t want a bond with anyone. I just wanted to cause pain and feel it.”
    Sophia drank a big gulp of wine, astonished. “God, Alistair.”
    “First, I was a hedonist drunk on sensation. I tasted everything that was proposed to me. But then... After Nathalie’s death, I couldn’t stand to be loved. I’ve lived the last year in excruciating, endless solitude. Each night, I scrubbed my scars raw again. Scars I was responsible for. I embraced the shadows, regardless of any need to love, to link, even in friendship. Since I couldn’t be entombed with Nathalie, I buried myself under hard work during the day, and in depravation at