Uncle John's Bathroom Reader The World's Gone Crazy by Bathroom Readers’ Institute Read Free Book Online

West Scranton, Pennsylvania, Dawn Herb was at home when her toilet started overflowing. As she tried to unclog it and clean up the mess, she let out a stream of bawdy curse words.
    Terror! Herb’s neighbor, off-duty police officer Patrick Tillman, stuck his head out his window and told her to “shut the f*** up.” Not true, says Tillman; he simply told her to stop swearing, and Herb told him to “f*** off.” In any case, Officer Tillman called in some fellow police officers—and Herb was arrested for swearing inside her own house. She was told that she faced up to $300 in fines and 90 days in jail for disorderly conduct. But at the hearing the judge ordered the charges dropped, ruling that swearing at a toilet in your own house was not illegal. Afterward, Herb sued the city of West Scranton for improper arrest—and they ended up awarding her $19,000, plus her legal fees, to settle. (Hopefully she got a new toilet.)
    Episode: “Out with the Train Water”
    Setup: In October 2009, a crowded train was rolling through the countryside of West Bengal, India. A pregnant passenger, Rinku Roy, felt a sudden pang that she thought might be a labor pain. She left her husband, Bhola, in his seat, went to the restroom…and had her baby.
    Terror! In the cramped restroom, and in an awkward position, Roy had trouble grasping the slippery newborn and dropped it—straight down the toilet and onto the tracks below. She ran out of the toilet screaming for help, dashed to the closest exit, and jumped off the moving train. Quick-thinking passengers pulled emergency cords, stopping the train—and allowing Roy and her husband to retrieve the baby. Mother and child were taken to a hospital, and, amazingly, both of them were fine.
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Designer Amigo Zhou invented a Love Seat Toilet—attached potties for two to use at the same time .
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    Episode: “Toilet May be Armful to Your Health”
Setup: This story took place on a high-speed train traveling between the French cities of La Rochelle and Paris. But instead of a baby being dropped into a toilet, a 26-year-old Frenchman dropped his cell phone into one of the train’s commodes. And he reached into the toilet to get the phone back.
Terror! The ultramodern train had an ultramodern toilet, equipped with a powerful, ultramodern, automatic suction system—and it pulled the man’s arm into the drain nearly up to his shoulder. He yelled for help, attendants quickly arrived, and the train was stopped in order to shut off the suction system. But the man’s arm had been pulled into the toilet with such force that he was still stuck. EMTs worked for two hours to remove the toilet from the floor, then took it—along with the man—to a hospital. It took several more hours to saw the toilet off the man’s arm. (No word on whether he ever got his phone back.)
    Episode: “(Cork)Screwed Again”
    Setup: It was a dark and drinky night in Vershire, Vermont, in October 2009. Nazeih Hammouri, 53, was at home, drinking. Late in the evening, his 19-year-old son came home. Then someone used the toilet.
    Terror! The toilet became clogged, and the intoxicated Hammourt and his son got into an argument about it. The fight escalated and finally ended with the elder Hammourt stabbing his son in the stomach…with a corkscrew. Hammourt was arrested on charges of first-degree assault. His son was treated and released at a nearby hospital.
    Episode: “The Man Under the Moon”
    Setup: In September 2009, a boy on a family camping trip in New Hampshire’s White Mountain National Forest ran off to use the park’s restroom, a rustic “pit toilet” with a large sewage container under the seat.
    Terror! As the boy approached the toilet, he was amazed to see a soaking-wet man climbing up out of the pit. The boy ran back to his parents, who called police. They easily caught Gary Moody, 49, (presumably by the smell). Moody told police that he put his shirt on the toilet seat for sanitary reasons before sitting down,