room, talking to Simon. I saw something happen, on tape, with video evidence, of which I have no memory.
It was only after the video that I began to doubt myself. But if I can’t trust my own memory…if I can’t trust my own mind…what is there left?
I step away from the mirror and start to dress. As I do, I go over every single memory I have, in sequence, since waking up to find myself cold and abandoned in the sunroom so many months ago.
There’s not a day that I don’t remember. I’ve always had a good memory. Recollections of facts, feelings, things, events, has never been a problem.
A sudden burst of inspiration hits me. The cameras inside the house! I can go back and watch everything that I remember happening. I can see how well these tapes align with my memories.
No matter how painful reliving some of those moments may be.
I stride out of the bathroom and go straight to the little secret room. Rose can wait. It’s not like she has anything better to do.
Besides, after the way she’s treated me, I don’t mind introducing a bit of friction between us.
I sit down behind the computer, type in my password, and begin to watch.
***
An hour or two later, I sit back, feeling disgusted but…satisfied.
I’m disgusted by the way I saw Jeremy treat me before his apparent change of heart. But none of that is new. I’ve already moved past those events.
I’m satisfied because everything I remember…every single thing I recall…matches up perfectly with what I saw on tape.
That means, at least, that I’m still sane. Or that I’ve remained sane until the episode yesterday.
Once more, I think back to what happened. Things were clear in my mind…until Jeremy showed me the tape.
Only in the aftermath did I start to have doubts. Not before. I was seriously upset when Hugh pulled out the collar. That was the only real trigger I can think of.
I push away from the desk. I know I can’t change the past. Whatever happened yesterday, whether false or real, has taken up my thinking today. It’s one more thing I probably need to step back from, to try to gain some perspective on events.
I start down the stairs, then. I halt in mid-stride. Rose is waiting for me down there. When I speak to her, I’ll demand answers.
But there’s one other person I need to talk to, first. If I don’t, guilt will keep eating away at me.
Fey.
I sigh, and head back upstairs to get my phone. I check my messages. There are no new ones, from either her or Jeremy. But it’s not like I was expecting any.
I sit on the edge of the bed, type her number into the display, and then just stare at the phone without hitting ‘call’.
What would I say? I need to apologize, first of all. I know that she’s just worried about me. Her concern comes from a good place. Fey has a big heart. The way I repaid her kindness was despicable.
But I also know that I absolutely cannot let her interfere. If she begins to meddle—even all the way from the other coast—everything that I’ve planned to do to get back at Jeremy may yet fall apart.
That is, if I didn’t sabotage my position with the showing yesterday.
I take one deep breath. “Time to face the music,” I mutter, and hit ‘call’.
The phone rings. And rings, and rings, and rings. Fey doesn’t answer. It goes to her voicemail.
“Hey!” her usual, cheery voice greets me. “I’m not here right now, but leave me a message, and—“ she giggles,”—I’ll probably never get around to hearing it. But you can try!”
Beep . Her greeting ends.
“Fey,” I start, hesitating. “Fey, it’s Lilly. Listen, I really wish I’d caught you live. I don’t know if you’re ignoring my call on purpose. If you are, I don’t blame you. I would too, if I were in your shoes.”
I exhale. “Look, this is hard for me to say and sound like I really mean it, but… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled, I shouldn’t have gotten angry. I know you’re just trying to look out for