Unidentified Funny Objects 2 by Robert Silverberg, Jim C. Hines, Jody Lynn Nye, Mike Resnick, Ken Liu, Tim Pratt, Esther Frisner Read Free Book Online

“And you can’t make me.”
    “Certainly not.” The wizard was unruffled. “Nor can you make us approve your request to fly to—” He peered at the open scroll before him. “—Yvitelli, was it?—” He looked up at the dragon with an amiable expression. “—ever.”
    Naphtheena’s wings sagged. “I’ll wear the dumb fang-capper. Now can we move this along? I’ve trimmed my hind talons, I’m going to nip off my forepaw talons—”
    “Yes, yes.” The wizard nodded. “And once you’ve done that, Master Runcible over there is going to have to run his hands all over your wings, to make sure you’re not one of those dragons who have spikes growing on them. Terribly dangerous things, spikes. And then we’ll have Master Dagmar—he’s the skinny one at the end of the line—pass that special wand along every one of your scales. And  then we’ll just have you pop into the Booth of Revelation, so we can see if you’ve got anyone in your vestibular paunch, because we both know it’s not conducive to a safe flight if you’re carrying unaccounted-for weight.”
    “But this will take forever!” Naphtheena wailed. “And if you detain me past my assigned departure time, you’ll be the ones to suffer for it!” An unusual swelling developed along her flanks. “I’ll devour you!” More spark-flecked steam spurted from Naphtheena’s jaws, to be casually deflected by the blandly smiling wizard. “And it will be  legal !” Now vast clouds were erupting from other orifices, both fore and aft. “And do you know what? At this very moment I would happily give up any chance of ravaging the kingdom of Yvitelli just to have the supreme joy of turning you and all your colleagues into brunch !”
    “Well naturally that’s all true,” said the wizard affably. “Provided that we were detaining you without just cause .”
    He passed a small leather folder to the simmering dragon. Naphtheena skimmed the contents. They were mostly boilerplate mumbo with a dollop of legalese jumbo, but dragons make very good lawyers and she extracted the gist readily: this new order of Grand Gateway wizards had received miraculously instantaneous imprimatur from both their Council and her Union.
    “All right,” she grumped as she returned the folder. “You can make me miss my flight window and get off scot free. I don’t care. I’m a dragon. I’ve lived for thousands of years and there’s plenty more where that came from. I’ll simply re-file the parchmentwork and come back here another day. When I do, I’ll make sure to leave myself an excess of temporal wiggle-room to jump through all of your hoops. I will get to Yvitelli, I promise you that. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for—”
    “Pardon me, but you’re holding up the line,” the wizard interrupted. “And you are doing so without just cause , taking up our organization’s valuable time with your needless ranting.”
    “Then I’ll step out of line and—” Naphtheena’s pulse became so strong and rapid that it sounded as if she were harboring a village drum corps in her gizzard.
    “I’m afraid we can’t allow that. It would be construed as suspicious behavior. We’d have to take you into custody for a full investigation. Are you allergic to wolfsbane? We do have gloves that are coated with monkshood instead, but wouldn’t it be simpler for everyone if you simply were a good little dragon and complied with the rules, used your permit to travel to Yvitelli, and got on with your life?” He glanced up at the sky, checking the angle of the sun, then returned his gaze to the scroll before him. “And sooner rather than later, before this does become a matter for  very deep internal investigation.”
    A low, ominous rumbling began deep in Naphtheena’s entrails as she frantically snapped off her talons while at the same time urging the backup wizards to get a move on with their hands and wands and whatevers. In fact, she was making such a