Uschi! by Tony Ungawa Read Free Book Online Page A

stuff was hiding. The putrid mass she scooped out she liberally smeared over the lathered in mustard surface of her cheeseburger’s meat patties. When Uschi finished at that, Denny put the top bun back in place. There was a juicy sound as he tried to mash it all down to a reasonable dimension to accommodate his girlfriend’s mouth.
    She began with another dainty taste test nibble, and then, after determining she had a winner, went wild hair up the ass devouring it in huge hungry shark chomps.
    “Oh yeah,” she enthusiastically ejaculated around a full mouth. “That’s paradise between two slices of bread right there. Remember, best thing, when I happened to have my hand up in your ass? That shit from you I sucked off of my fingers was extras-special good tasting. I don’t know, maybe the Miracle Whip helped it along, but either way it sure was delicious. Good enough to have come from the Bluebell ice cream people. I didn’t think I’d ever come across anything that’d ever taste that super again. As a matter of fact, I’ve been thinking about asking a favor of you next time you happen to need to take a seat on a toilet. It’s a Cleveland steamer sort of talk I want to have with you. But that’s a matter we can discuss another time. Well, guess what? We got us a new champion in taste. I’m almost having me a sexual experience with this armadillo secret sauce. It’s that tasty on a cheeseburger. Hope you don’t mind me saying so. That doesn’t make you down on yourself, does it? Your shit’s still quality. That isn’t changing, best thing. But what I got here I got to call it like it is.”
    “That’s okay. Say what you feel. I don’t mind. I can be surprisingly thick skinned when it comes to criticism on the taste of my crap. Glad you found something you like so well.”
    They ate their dinner in silence for the next few minutes, until Uschi decided she didn’t care for the dull vacuum that was forming between them and made a play to get a bit of small talk action going on.
    “So, what’s your favorite kaiju movie?”
    Denny gave his living dead girlfriend a stare. Kaiju ? That’s no average word. It was Japanese; translated to English it meant something like “mysterious beast.” This was what Japanese giant monster movies are often called in their native homeland. But here in America, it’s a term about as common as a chicken with an in-depth knowledge of the novels of Dan Jenkins. Only hardcore occidental fans, like Denny, ever used the word.
    “Guess, uh, I’ve got to say Mothra is my current fave. Tiny women and good giant worms’ activity in that one.”
    “Really, you like it that much?” said Uschi. “Personally, I didn’t feel Godzilla came off too well in that one. He seemed to me like a pussy, a real pushover, gets beat way too easy by the big butterfly. That’s not His Royal Majesty, the King of all monsters, we know and love.
    “ The X from Outer Space— now that’s the one that gets me wet in my womanly zone. The big bad in it, Guilala, he’s a living apocalypse from beyond our solar system that looks a serviceable amount like a cross between a plucked lizard-chicken hybrid critter and a 1970’s era official Joe Namath popcorn popping machine. And he destroys Tokyo real good.”
    Weirdness piled upon weirdness.
    “When did you see it?” he asked her. He kept his voice even and face impassive.
    “Excuse me?”
    “ The X from Outer Space . Or any Godzilla movie. When did you see them? How could you have seen them? How do you know what kaiju means? How to work a VCR? Where I keep the Miracle Whip in my refrigerator and that it will make a passable asshole lubricant? Uschi, you’re less than four hours old. It shouldn’t be possible for you to know these things. But somehow you do.”
    Uschi gave Denny a no big deal shrug of the shoulders. “I don’t know. That’s just the way it is. I mean, why are some people born left-handed and others right? Why do Peter Fonda and