Uschi! by Tony Ungawa Read Free Book Online Page B

Susan George have to be killed by the train at the end of Dirty Mary Crazy Larry ? Maybe some things just need to go about their own business in their own way in this world unexplained. I say go with the flow, baby.”
    There was solid logic to her words.
    “Yeah, I suppose you’re right. Maybe I’m over analyzing the situation. I shouldn’t be trying to make logic a top priority in any of this. Love and hot romance aren’t supposed to be all logical. What else can you tell me about yourself?”
    “All sorts of amazing shit. Ask away.”
    “Well, you got a favorite song?”
    “Sure do. ‘Blitzkrieg Bop’ from the Ramones.”
    “Conan or Tarzan—who’s the better?”
    Uschi didn’t need so much as second to have an answer for that one. “Neither. I’ll take Karl Edward Wagner’s Kane any time of the day, month or year over those two losers. The late and great Karl Edward kicked much ass with his dark and somber heroic fantasy writing.”
    “Got a favorite western?”
    “ McKenna’s Gold . Ted Cassidy and Julie Newmar make damn good evil Apaches.”
    “Do you like comic books?”
    “Eh, some. I’m not too big on any superhero junk, truthfully. The Tomb of Dracula is a classic I can very much appreciate. And Garth Ennis’s Preacher is near perfect enough. And I prefer Steve Gerber’s Man-Thing’s stories over Alan Moore’s run on Swamp Thing . Jonah Hex and Rom: Space Knight are cool, too.”
    “Bela Lugosi or Boris Karloff?”
    “Boris all the way, best thing. He’s a sweetie and I think one of the most underrated actors from the golden age of Hollywood.”
    “Democrat or Republican?”
    “Proud independent.”
    “Best quote from a Russ Meyer movie?”
    “’Because I’m the ballsiest cat you ever met.’”
    “Your opinion on Bruce Campbell?”
    “He’s okay. Maybe a bit too much overrated. Personally, I prefer Jeffrey Combs or Ian McCulloch. Ian McCulloch doesn’t get enough love in the horror community to suit me. The man was all class act in Alien Contamination .”
    “Does it hurt being a zombie?”
    “Nope, I feel perfectly fine. In fact, better than fine. I’m strong and big-tittied powerful.” And here she began to shimmy her shoulders and get her large breasts to swaying and quaking and noisily gurgling like water balloons set to bouncing on a trampoline. “I feel super potent and ready for whatever type of challenge that might get tossed my way. The fact I’m made of spoiled choice cuts of dead people meat doesn’t mean dog food fuck to me. I feel like I could get in a fistfight with Jesus Christ and kick his ass.”
    Pondering what question to ask next, Denny happened to turn away and look out onto the parking lot. He chewed on the end of the drinking straw impaled through the plastic lid on his Dr Pepper and watched as a couple stepped out of the Dairy Queen and started walking to their car. He was compelled to pay attention to them.
    Nothing special about them, just a man and a woman. Both pretty fairly ugly and dressed by Wal-Mart. The man was balding and fat, his belly hanging low over his belt like raw biscuit dough seeping through the split in a ruptured Pillsbury tube. He looked like the type with no education after high school and was trapped working long and hard at a job that didn’t pay well enough to keep his family afloat on his one paycheck. The woman was frizzy-haired and short and squat and had an Alfred Hitchcock double chin flabby wattle. Denny figured her for a school cafeteria lunch lady.
    They behaved like a couple that had been together for a good while now. They were relaxed and enjoying one another’s company, talking and laughing and holding each other close. She had her hand behind him and tucked in snug into one of the seat pockets of his blue jeans, cupping an ass cheek.
    They were in love. It was obvious to see.
    Every once in a while Denny would run across something like this. People in love. He’d see it between a man and a woman when