Vivienne's Guilt by Heather M. Orgeron Read Free Book Online

business and eat your breakfast,” I tell her, pointing to her half-eaten plate.
    “So, Reid gets here tomorrow. I thought maybe you should get back to work, Cassie. I love having you here. I mean...I don’t know how I would have survived the last week without you, honestly, but I’m feeling a little better and will have someone to keep me company during the day. Your kids must be missing you like crazy. I hear you on the phone with them all day, and I’m just feeling really bad for keeping you from them.”
    Cassie is a social worker for the Department of Social Services. After being just another number on someone’s roster for so many years, she wanted to make a difference. Cass loves her kids. I know that they must miss her. She says that they’ll understand, but I can’t help but feel guilty. Guilt. It seems to be my new best friend. For kids who have nothing, having someone who genuinely cares is everything . I hate knowing that I am the reason she hasn’t been around.
    “Are you kicking me out?” she asks with an exaggerated look of shock on her face. “After all I’ve done for you. You hear that, Tillie? Your mom is kicking me out.”
    “I sink you can stay. You can sleep wif me in my bed if you want to, Auntie,” Matilda answers sweetly. “Mommy, why are you making Auntie Cass leave? Her’s your best friend!”
    “Aw, at least someone loves me,” Cassie says to Tillie, giving her a kiss on the forehead. “I’m just kidding, though, baby girl. I can’t stay forever. How about this weekend Auntie will come sleep over with you in your new big girl bed?”
    “That’s a great idea! And we can paint our nails, and do make-ups...and we can watch a movie...and eat popcorn!” Tillie’s face lights up with excitement.
    “It’s a date!” Cass says to Tillie before turning her attention back to me. “So, you’re sure you’re okay with me leaving? I can take a few more days off if you need. But if you think you will be okay, then I probably should get back.”
    “I’m fine. I swear. It’s already been a week. If I need you, I promise I’ll call,” I say between bites. I need her gone so that I can force myself to be a fully functioning human being. She can’t continue to put her life on hold for me. And, I need to make things as normal as possible for my daughter. I can feel myself beginning to depend on her too much, and I can’t afford to become that person.
    “Okay, then. What’s on the agenda for today? What needs to be done before Reid gets here?” Cassie asks.
    “I was planning to clean out the pool house for him. Freshen it up. I want him to have his own space.” I look at both Tillie and Cass and ask, “You two down for a day of scrubbin’?”
    “Not me!” Tillie shouts. “I’m not cleaning. I’m just little. I’m just going to play toys...and watch tartoons, and not clean. I’m not doing that...” she says, shaking her little head vehemently.

    Once we finish with the cleaning, the three of us spend the day splashing in the pool, and it feels like any other Sunday. I forget that I am now a widow. That my husband just died and that I should be mourning his death. I smile, and I mean it, but damned if I don’t feel guilty about it afterward.
    It’s a crazy thing, guilt. I never realized what an all-consuming, crippling emotion it can be. Is this what my life will be like from now on? Guilt stealing what little happiness I manage to find along the way?

Reid
    “But, Reid...” Kylie whines through the phone, “this was supposed to be our last summer together before school starts. I was looking forward to spending some time together. Do you realize how hard it will be to see each other when you’re in Louisiana and I’m in Georgia?”
    We’ve had this same conversation every night since my father told me that he’d promised my summer to Aunt Viv. I want to be pissed at him for volunteering me for shit without my consent, but even I am not that big of an asshole. I