Wasted by Suzy Spencer Read Free Book Online Page A

the booze, after the sex, Regina was left to clean up the mess. But that was okay with Regina; she liked providing the wild parties for the Pasadena High teenagers. It made her the center of attention, and she thought it made the kids like her and be her friend.
    Once again, though, what Regina felt on the inside and what she showed to the world were two different things. Her insides knew that her “friends” were just looking for a place to party.
     
     
    That same senior year, Regina began hanging out with a woman who was five or six years older. Patricia was the sister of one of Regina’s classmates. Amy Seymoure never understood why someone in her twenties would want to hang out with a sixteen-year-old. To her, it didn’t seem right. It didn’t seem reasonable.
    “Patricia’s bisexual,” Regina explained to Amy. And Patricia introduced Regina into the world of homosexuality.
    That didn’t matter to Amy. Whether Patricia was or wasn’t, did or didn’t, was irrelevant. Amy just wanted to know why Patricia wanted to hang out with Regina. Again, it didn’t seem right. It didn’t seem reasonable.
    But Amy tried never to question Regina or make fun of her, despite the fact that one never knew how much truth was coming out of Regina. Amy just listened and let Regina talk. Even then, she had some kind of understanding that things weren’t like they should be for Regina, that her life wasn’t stable and that Regina needed someone to listen to her.
    “You don’t have to lie to me. I’m your friend no matter what. You don’t have to buy me anything.”
     
     
    Regina Hartwell grew numb to physical pain, but she was never able to numb out the emotional pain. To her, love always equalled pain. That was how it was supposed to be—that’s what she had been taught by the mother who loved her so. They were buddies. They were best friends. Toni Hartwell was wonderful, beautiful, perfect.
    And if Toni Hartwell was a wonderful, beautiful, perfectly loving mother, then Regina Hartwell must have deserved the hurt. That’s how a child rationalizes abuse. That’s the way an unhelped abused child thinks, even in adulthood.
     
     
    Regina graduated from Pasadena High School in 1988. She bought a Ford Mustang convertible with her trust money and turned her Porsche over to her father, who put it up on blocks. “If you ever want to pay this off, it’s here,” he said. Regina moved to Austin, Texas.

CHAPTER 5
    Young gay women in Wrangler jeans, cowboy boots, and blazers pounded their feet against the wooden floor and shouted, “bullshit” as they danced the cotton-eyed Joe. Country music bounced from the blackjack tables to the patio and back indoors. Sadie’s was packed as usual. Near the Four Seasons Hotel in downtown Austin, Sadie’s was where trendy, drinking, drugging, college-age lesbians went to shoot pool, dance, and find romance in 1989.
    Ynema Mangum was a University of Texas coed working as a blackjack dealer at Sadie’s when she spotted Regina Hartwell. There was no missing Regina. When Hartwell walked into a bar, everyone—friends and strangers alike—turned around and watched.
    She looked enviously sure. A young woman who lifted weights, Hartwell was very physically fit. She wore immaculate dresses and long, dark tresses in a roomful of jeans and butch, short haircuts. She was confident, cocky, and charismatic. Everyone wanted to know Regina Hartwell.
    Ynema Mangum was no different, and Regina and Ynema got along great. They were both twenty years old, they both loved to dance, and they both had a crush on Ynema’s girlfriend.
    But this was a world where girls bounced off girls like balls in a pinball machine, sometimes scoring, sometimes tilting. One night, in front of the blackjack table, Regina and Ynema kissed. Tilt.
    Laughing, they backed away from each other, and not because of Ynema’ s girlfriend. For Ynema and Regina, kissing each other was like kissing a sister or a dog . . . or an