White Lady by Jessica Bell Read Free Book Online Page A

to him all these years without some chemical courage? Especially since the lie is going to be a lie.
    I’m so lonely! What choice do I have? I made such a huge mistake marrying Karter. But there’s no chance of going back to my old life by asking politely. They hate my guts. It’s lie to Nash, or die alone and plastic.
    I twist the cap off the bottle of Xanax and shake a couple of pills into my palm.
    I imagine they are little people eating out of my hand. So cute!
    “It’s time,” I whisper to the pills. “It’s time to tell him it was Ibrahim.”

Chapter 17
    Mia: Whoa.
    I lie flat on my back. On my bedroom floor. Eyelashes pinned to my eyebrows. The rough red rug Sonia brought for me from Turkey prickles my upper thighs. It’s a perfect reminder that the mass of skin on my body is growing, and that I’m doing the right thing by taking these pills.
    Despite its periodic nature, the traffic is loud. Too loud. Too present. The whoosh of wheels along the wet road wavers; white noise hangs around my body like tangible clouds. The rhythm of my breath encompasses the room, the midnight air now sticky from the unexpected storm, the temperature change a sign of something …
    … not right.
    I turn to my side, grab the edge of my bed, and pull myself off the floor. I push my tongue into my front teeth as though it might help me keep balanced. My knees crack and my heart pounds, rises, thumps in my throat. My head feels so light it’s as if it’s not even there, the air soft on my skin. I grab my phone off my desk and text Kimi: Don’t feel good.
    I pace the room.
    The floorboards creak, and I wonder if I’m gonna need Dad, I don’t wanna need Dad, it would be embarrassing, he’d stop trusting me, I’d have to lose weight the normal way, and not at all quickly enough to be skinny for when Mum comes home, she could visit at any time, she could be here tomorrow, she said she was coming at the end of summer, it’s past the end of summer, she must be coming soon, fuck, she can’t see me like this, shit, imagine if she saw me like this? Dad pushed her away by just being the man he is … what’s Mum gonna think now that I’m a big fat fucking cow?
    My phone buzzes.
    “Hey!” I say so loud my voice vibrates through my head.
    “You’re not freaking out on me, are you?” Kimi’s voice is slow, calm, soothing. I stop dead in the middle of my room, close my eyes, and take a long deep breath through my nose. All I want to do is talk. But I would sound ridiculous. And what if Dad came home? He’d hear me babbling and wonder what was going on. I don’t need that right now.
    Don’t.
    Need it.
    “I took two,” I say, and sit on the edge of my bed. A spring snaps and throbs through the mattress.
    “You what? Jesus.”
    “You said they were just caffeine!”
    Silence. Fuck fuck fuck fuck …
    “Kimi, please—”
    “If I’d told you they were uppers, you probably wouldn’t have taken them.”
    “Uppers? I’m on— What the fuck is an upper?”
    “Speed, Mia. You’re on speed.”
    Oh my God. I look out my window, as if the cops are gonna come charging in to arrest me at any second.
    Kimi laughs—deep, velvety. Suddenly I forget about the cops and think about kissing her.
    I blink. Hard. Whoa.
    Now I feel calm. But it only lasts a short moment. “Why did you want me to take speed?”
    “Was a test.”
    “Why?” I squeal, then slam my hand over my mouth. Why am I speaking so loudly?
    “Hey, Mia?”
    “What?”
    “You’re gonna be fine.”
    “Um … can you please just tell me what’s going on?”
    Kimi sighs; something muffles the receiver. I can hear tapping, and saliva swishing around Kimi’s mouth as if she’s sucking on a lollypop. My crotch tingles.
    Holy fuck, why am I so turned on and so freaked out at the same time?
    “Um. I needed to test you.”
    “Needed?”
    “Yep.”
    “Did I pass?” What am I talking about?
    “A-ha.”
    It starts to rain again. It patters on the windowpane like a