Who's Afraid of Mr Wolfe?

Who's Afraid of Mr Wolfe? by Hazel Osmond Read Free Book Online Page B

Book: Who's Afraid of Mr Wolfe? by Hazel Osmond Read Free Book Online
Authors: Hazel Osmond
Tags: Literary, Romance, Literature & Fiction, Contemporary, Contemporary Fiction
‘That’s really patronising. All you want to know is that your protection isn’t going to let you down, embarrass you in public and ruin your knickers.
    ‘Most advertising skirts around this or makes vague reference to “peace of mind”, but we want to make this lack of worry into a positive image. And to do that it’s back to the knickers. We make them happy. We give them personalities.’
    Lesley stood up and set off at a cracking pace, explaining exactly how the ad would look. ‘We’re going to use models of knickers that convey different kinds of women, from career girl’ – Lesley started to shuffle through the packof storyboards – ‘to young mum to sex kitten. And they’re going to be so happy they’re going to sing.’
    ‘This won’t be preachy,’ Ellie said, stepping forward again, ‘it will be fun. We believe that while life has moved on, this kind of advertising hasn’t, and it’s time it did. We think modern women are ready for humour where this product is concerned. We think the youth market particularly would really relate to how ballsy this is.’
    She chanced a glance at Jack. His face was unreadable, his eyes watching her intently. Ellie swallowed with some difficulty, knowing that this was make-or-break time. It was the moment when she had to sing the song.
    ‘Right.’ She heard her voice falter a little. ‘Obviously we’d have professional singers for this, but for now you’ll have to put up with me. So here it is … “The Thong Song”.’
    She knew she was going to die right there in the room, but she wasn’t going to go down without a fight. Sod Jack Wolfe and his granite face. She allowed herself a few moments to remember that time at school when she’d hit Derek Cooper around the head with
Jane Eyre
because he’d kept calling her a swot. She was brave; she could do this.
    Then she was off, warbling a bit, but in tune: ‘You might like cotton. You might like lace. A satin thong might put a smile on your face. But whatever your choice, whatever the day, Sure & Soft will make your knickers say,“You can wear us. You can flaunt us. You can cut your skirts real high. You can chance the highest winds. You can flash a bit of thigh. Any day, every day, you know we’ll be just fine. So listen up there, girl, here’s the bottom line … No need to get sad, no need to get bothered – with Sure & Soft you’ve got everything covered.”’
    Ellie stopped and felt light-headed, realising she hadn’t been breathing properly. Her pulse was all over the place. She looked around the room at the faces, although it was hard to see Hugo’s, as he had his head in his hands. Mike had his mouth open. Someone coughed.
    So this was what it felt like, that mortification before the security guard escorted you from the agency.
    Hugo suddenly blurted out, ‘It’s a crazy idea, Jack. I wasn’t sure about it.’
    Lesley and Ellie looked at each other and simultaneously thought what a slimy, two-faced toad he was.
    And then Jack started to laugh.
    Hugo tried to ascertain if it was a happy laugh or a ‘you mad witches’ laugh and, until he could decide with certainty, played it safe with a half-smile, half-frown combination of his own devising. It soon became apparent, though, that it was laughter. Jack Wolfe was actually shaking his head and really laughing. Ellie winked conspiratorially at Lesley.
    ‘Brilliant,’ Jack said, ruffling his hair with his hand and then smoothing it all down flat again. ‘Absolutely bloodybrilliant. In fact, I would say it’s so bad that it’s good. Cheesy, ironic, even post-ironic, damn it. Singing knickers! People will love them.’ He turned the full force of his smile on Ellie and Lesley and his grey eyes didn’t seem quite so glacial as usual. ‘Well done. That took guts. At last, something different, something original.’
    He stood up and automatically everyone in the room stood up too. ‘Get it worked up … a model of one pair of the knickers to

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