Working Wonders by Jenny Colgan Read Free Book Online Page B

shrugged. ‘I don’t know.’
    ‘Jolly good,’ said Lynne. ‘Right. You get confused between umbrellas and your penis.’
    ‘I do not!’
    They both looked out of Lynne’s windows, where it was raining.
    ‘Just as well,’ said Arthur.
    ‘Quite,’ said Lynne. ‘Well, you get that kind of thing with off the peg therapy.’
    Arthur sighed. Lynne peered over her spectacles.
    ‘Do you want to talk about it or do you want me to psychically guess that Ross took a swing at you and you’ve split up with your girlfriend?’
    ‘That’s creepy,’ said Arthur. ‘Well, what do you recommend, seeing as I’m supposed to be starting the most difficult job of my career this morning and I look like George Dubya eating a pretzel.’
    ‘Talk to your girlfriend,’ said Lynne. ‘That’s probably better than talking to me.’
    ‘What! That’s the most useless advice I’ve ever heard! You’re the worst therapist ever!’
    ‘What do you want me to say? Well done for betraying your girlfriend?’
    ‘I didn’t betray her. She bloody said that too. It’s not like I did anything.’
    But his face gave him away.
    ‘Well, exactly. You should have done something. You should have split up with her years ago.’
    ‘Okay, well, thank you Germaine Greer but I happen to completely disagree. All she ever had to do was ask, then she did ask and I told her.’
    Lynne shook her head. ‘You’re going to regret that.’
    ‘What? I thought I could say anything in here!’
    ‘Not what you said. What you did.’
    ‘Yes, I’m sure I will regret it, if I lose the sight in one eye.’
    They were quiet. Arthur was seething. This was a hard time for him, goddammit. Didn’t he deserve a bit of sympathy?
    ‘You’ll be late,’ said Lynne.
    The huge cubicle room was not just quiet, it was completely, utterly silent. It was hard to believe there was anyone in there at all. From the second Arthur stepped through the door, heads disappeared into files, up close against computer screens, probably even in some cases straight under the desks, using the ‘if he can’t see me he can’t fire me’ technique. Arthur went forward gingerly.
    ‘Hello!’ he said as usual to the grumpy temp at the front of the office. But instead of grinning and giving him some cheeky answer, she looked up, startled.
    ‘Er, hello Mr Pendleton.’
    He squinted at her. ‘Um …’ Of course he still couldn’t remember her name. ‘You don’t have to call me Mr Pendleton.’
    She looked at him. ‘What, do you want me to go back to calling you “Not Too Much of a Wanker”?’
    From somewhere he could be sure he heard a very quiet giggle.
    ‘No, I stay away from my Native American name when I’m working,’ he said, heading past her.
    ‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘I just didn’t recognize you with your sunglasses on.’
    ‘I’m not wearing … oh, forget it.’
    He was conscious of her eyes on him as he started to make his way through the maze. And everyone else’s, for that matter. As he was nearly at his desk, he realized with a cold shock of horror that of course this wouldn’t be his desk any more – he’d be expected to go to Ross’s old office. But he was already too far along in the opposite direction. Oh crap. He felt his face go puce and the back of his collar felt damp. He decided to try and pretend that he was just on his way to pick up a few things and actually said, ‘Huh, just going to pick up a few things,’ tentatively out loud as he was going along, feeling more and more that he should just carry a sign saying ‘Dickhead! Hate me forever!’
    Of course, as usual, the smell hit him first. No. Of all the cruel tricks to play on him. Sandwiches was sitting lugubriously in his chair – or rather, what had been his chair – stinking the place out and looking up at him with a mildly quizzical air. He was wearing one of Arthur’s ties. Sven was nowhere to be seen.
    ‘Sven!’ Arthur yelled, breaking the silence in the room.
    The fat blond