51 Shades of Maggie, Liverpool Style by Leesa Harker Read Free Book Online

on the Dole for now. Me an Sinead swapped numbers an said we’d meet up again, maybe for a night out, an I wished she lived nearer cos she’s great. But that’s just the way it is. Then, as we’re leavin, Mr Big gives me a cheeky nip on the arse an whispers, ‘See you later, sexy.’
    An I walked out of there drippin like a water tap.

Doggin in the Docks
    Big Sally-Ann is one dark horse. Her an Igor were down at the docks doggin while me an Sinead were workin hard in Tesco! I couldn’t believe it. She told me all about it back at my flat later that day. He had told her to go into Tesco an then say she was on her moons an had to go to the bog, an then he would be waitin for her at the fire exit. I thought to myself that it sounded like he’d done this before, but I didn’t want to spoil Big Sally-Ann’s ride – she seemed to really like Igor. So he picked her up from the fire exit an took her to the docks. Then he parked down some road where all the trucks were. Then she said they were like wild animals, rippin each other’s clothes off an makin love on all the seats of the bus. And, yes, she said, ‘makin love’. Then he trailed her off the bus an had her up against the side of it. She had told him to watch in case they were caught, but he said it added to the thrill an she just went with it!
    She said Igor was huge too. As big as Long Schlong Silver, the stripper that we saw in Benidorm last year. Sure he had got Big Sally-Ann up on to the stage an made her slap sun-cream all over his wilbert. An I think his plan was to swing it about an flick the sun-cream all over her. But before you could say ‘factor fifty’, she was squirtin the cream all over him. An he almost died – it was in his long hair, in his eyes an everythin. She’s terrible when she gets started. In the end, a bouncer had to pluck her off him an we were told not to go back to that bar. The stripper was cryin an everythin. It was his own fault – that’s what you get for pickin on a quiet-lookin one.
    But the sight of Big Sally-Ann gettin thrust up the side of a minibus attracted the attention of the truckers an before they knew it, there was a crowd gotherin so Igor took her back into the bus to save her modesty. An Big Sally-Ann was laid out on the aisle of the bus, gettin the shag of her life from Igor an when she was just about to explode into a million pieces with orgasmic glee, instead of shoutin, ‘Oh Igor!’ like a normal person, she shouts, ‘ youuuuu raaaanngggggg ?’ in her best Transylvanian accent. Her biggest fantasy is gettin shagged an bit on the neck by Dracula. An big Igor is as close as she’ll ever get to that. Like Dracula’s little brother – a bit less sexy, an a bit less cunning, but still rideable. But she said after they were done, he was all romantic an took her for a pint an a prawn sandwich.
    An I said, ‘True love, Sally-Ann. Will I buy a hat?’
    â€˜No – he’s only here temporary. He has to go back to Transylvania soon.’
    Then I felt sorry for her cos she’s never really liked a man before. She only just rid them for the sake of it. Then she got a text from Igor an her face lit up an I thought to myself, now he may like a bit of outdoorsy sex an he’s probably going to get sent back to Transylvania soon, but I was happy for Big Sally-Ann. An as she was textin back an gigglin to herself, I thought about my man, Mr Big. I couldn’t believe that me an Big Sally-Ann actually had boyfriends, even though mine wanted to whip the tripe out of me an hers was into doggin. Mr Big had said he’d be spankin me later that night an I was ready for it. I was thinkin I was gonna answer the door to him butt-naked an bendin over – a vertical smile to greet him.
    So, after Big Sally-Ann went, I got up to tidy the place. I washed my Paris Hilton bedsheets (I had to, cos they were about to crack in the