776 Stupidest Things Ever Said by Ross Petras Read Free Book Online

for Congressmen, Reasons for:
    On the basis that it is essential and economical, economical for the country and for the Congress to have food available around here.
    Representative Jamie L. Whitten (D-Miss.) on why food subsidies were being cut for the poor—but kept for the House and Senate restaurants
On Football:
    It’s not good for business if you care for a second whether blood is bubbling from a guy’s mouth.
    Minnesota Viking Joey Browner
On Football:
    Football is one of the highest forms of spiritual exercise.
    the Rt. Rev. William T. Manning as reported in the Manhattan press circa 1926
On Football, Flooded Fields In:
    If there’s a pileup, they’ll have to give some of the players artificial insemination.
    Curt Gowdy, television announcer, during an AFL all-star game marked by heavy rains that flooded the field
On Football, Losses and Mixed Metaphors In:
    If you can’t make the putts and can’t get the man in from second on the bottom of the ninth, you’re not going to win enough football games in this league, and that’s the problem we had today.
    Sam Rutigliano, Cleveland Browns coach, on why his team lost
On Footwear:
    I have no weakness for shoes. I wear very simple shoes which are pump shoes. It is not one of my weaknesses.
    Imelda Marcos, former First Lady of the Philippines, and owner of 3,400 pairs of shoes
On Forgetting Things:
    I must have had ambrosia.
    Milwaukee Brewers Jim Gantner, on why he forgot to appear on a talk show
On Forms, Proper use of:
    This form must not be used only in cases previously reported on proper blank.
    Cleveland, Ohio, official police form heading
On a 4-4 Win/Loss Record:
    It just as easily could have gone the other way.
    Chicago Cubs manager Don Zimmer on his team’s 4-4 record on a road trip
On Fractions:
    The poor man was absolutely robbed by that accursed system by fully one-tenth of his hard earnings. Nay! he was sometimes deprived of as much as one-twentieth.
    Major O’Gorman, Member of Parliament, discussing the Tithe Bill
On Fraternal Organizations, Little-Known Pacts About:
    Tolstoy was an unconscious Kiwanian.
    Edward Scheve in a speech to the Huntington Park, California, Kiwanis Club, as quoted in the Watts
Review
On Free Speech:
    When I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.
    movie mogul Samuel Goldwyn, to a young writer
On Freedom:
    Man has been given his freedom to a greater extent than ever and that’s quite wrong.
    Martha Mitchell, wife of former Attorney General John Mitchell
On Freedom of Speech, Great Moments In:
    Freedom of speech of the individual citizen must be based on the four basic principles of insisting on the socialist road, the dictatorship of the proletariat, the leadership of the party, and Marxism-Leninism-Mao Zedong thought. The citizen has only the freedom to support these principles and not the freedom to oppose them….
    People’s Republic of China prosecutor, during the Wei Jingsheng case in 1979, in which defendant Wei, a human rights champion, cited the Chinese constitution guaranteeing free speech in his defense. He lost.
On Freudian Slips:
    We need laws that protect everyone. Men and women, straights and gays, regardless of sexual perversion … ah, persuasion.
    Bella Abzug, New York politician, addressing a rally for the Equal Rights Amendment
On Freudian Slips:
    I am speaking of a great man who should have been President and would have been one of the greatest Presidents in history—Hubert Horatio Horn-blower.
    Jimmy Carter in a speech at the 1980 Democratic Convention
On Freudian Slips:
    For seven and a half years I’ve worked alongside President Reagan. We’ve had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We’ve had some sex … uh … setbacks.
    George Bush
On Freudian Slips:
    [I ask you to] work together with me for a better life for oil … I mean all.
    Senator Henry Jackson, campaigning in 1976
On Freudian Slips:
    The United States has much to offer the third world war.
    Ronald Reagan in a speech, on what the United States