776 Stupidest Things Ever Said by Ross Petras Read Free Book Online Page B

probably said that.
Some of Yogi’s Best:
I want to thank all those who made this night necessary.
    (addressing the crowd at a 1947 event in his honor)
You give a hundred percent in the first half of the game, and if it isn’t enough, in the second half you give what’s left.
Mantle’s a switch hitter because he’s amphibious.
How can you say this and that when this and that hasn’t happened yet?
If you can’t imitate him, don’t copy him.
A nickel ain’t worth a dime any more.
I don’t know, I’m not in shape yet.
    (when asked his cap size)
He is a big clog in their machine.
    (reportedly talking about Ted Williams)
Slump, I ain’t in no slump. I just ain’t hitting.
I got a touch of pantomime poisoning.
    (explaining to his manager, Casey Stengel, why he couldn’t play a game)
If I didn’t wake up, I’d still be sleeping.
How can you think and hit at the same time?
I wish I had an answer to that because I’m getting tired of answering that question.
    (in response to a question about the ’84 Yankees’ dismal record)

G
On Gab, the Gift of:
    Well, I think that’s a—it’s had some difficult times but I think we have—we, I think, have been able to make some very good progress and it’s—I would say that it’s—it’s—it’s delightful that we’re able to—to share the time and the relationship that we—that we do share.
    Senator Edward Kennedy, during a November 4, 1979, on-air interview with Roger Mudd, trying to answer the question “What is the present state of your marriage?”
On Gab, the Gift of:
    Well, I’m going to kick that one right into the end zone of the Secretary of Education. But, yes, we have all—he travels a good deal, goes abroad. We have a lot of people in the department that does that. We’re having an international—this is not as much education as dealing with the environment—a big international conference coming up. And we get it all the time—exchanges of ideas.
    President George Bush, in February 1990, answering a high school student’s questions about whether the Bush administration was getting ideas on education from other countries
On Gab, the Gift of:
    But let me—I better switch over here for some more—and may I—a question—and I don’t mean to offend with regard to follow-up—and I understand why you had them, but we’ve been reduced to the number of questions we get to ask when everybody has a follow-up. So ask them both at once.
    President Ronald Reagan during a 1984 press conference
On Gay Rights, L.A.P.D. and:
    It’s easier to thump a faggot than an average Joe. Who cares?
    a Los Angeles police officer, quoted in the Christopher Commission Report
On Geography:
    You mean there are two Koreas?
    a U.S. Ambassador-designate to the Far East, after being asked his opinion during congressional hearings on the North Korea-South Korea conflict, as reported by government officials
On Geography:
    Ballarat is the fairest city south of the hemisphere.
    Edward Murphy, Legislative Assemblyman from Victoria, Australia
On Geography:
    The town of Albany contains 500 dwelling houses and 2400 inhabitants, all standing with their gable ends to the street.
    Morse’s Geography, the premier geography textbook in the United States during the 1800s
On Geography:
    This is the greatest country in America.
    Ex-Houston Oiler and Florida State coach Bill Peterson
On Geography:
    I favor this irrigation bill in order that we may turn the barren hills of my state into fruitful valleys.
    a senator, as reported by Massachusetts State Senator John F. Parker, in support of a pork-barrel bill
On Geography, Politicians’ Knowledge of:
    This is morally repugnant to millions of people, not only in the United States, but also in the 24th Congressional District.
    Representative Alfred Santangelo of New York, in a debate on setting up a national lottery
On Georgia, Proud Boasts About:
    Georgia produces enough fine apples each year for every man, woman and child in the state to have