776 Stupidest Things Ever Said by Ross Petras Read Free Book Online Page A

had to offer the Third World. He repeated this error nine times in the same speech.
On Friendship:
    His friends are legend. And I trusted him explicitly.
    boxing announcer Harry Balogh, on a famous boxing commissioner
On Fulfillment:
    My men grumble that they are frustrated—that there are no good targets left any more. But I always remind them of the plight of the pilots back in the States. “Let’s face it,” I tell them, “Vietnam is the only place in the world today where you can drop real bombs.”
    a U. S. Air Force wing commander during the Vietnam War
On Fun, How to Have It:
    We have to pursue this subject of fun very seriously if we want to stay competitive in the twenty-first century.
    Singapore Minister of State for Finance and World Affairs George Yeo
On Fun, Innocent:
    A jolly bunch of our young people went on a kayaking expedition Sunday that resulted in many exposures and a very enjoyable time.
    an item in the
Bald Knob (
Arizona
) Eagle
On the Future:
    If we maintain our faith in God, our love of freedom, and superior global air power, I think we can look to the future with confidence.
    General Curtis LeMay, in a speech given at Notre Dame’s Washington’s Birthday exercises, February 1956
On the Future:
    Our pitching could be better than I think it will be.
    Sparky Anderson, then Detroit Tigers manager, on the outlook for the coming year
On the Future:
    I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy. But that could change.
    Vice-President Dan Quayle
On the Future:
    We see nothing but increasingly brighter clouds every month.
    President Gerald Ford, on the economy, to a group of Michigan businessmen
On the Future:
    We are not ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.
    Vice-President Dan Quayle in an interview with the
Cleveland Plain Dealer
On the Future, How to Plan for:
    We should not look at the immediate situation in terms of planning a new move in any time frame that is now immediately foreseeable.
    Henry Kissinger, Secretary of State, speaking to the Senate Foreign Relations Committee
On the Future, Where It Is:
    The Baltimore Colts are a bright young team. It seems as if they have their future ahead of them.
    Curt Gowdy, sports announcer
On the Future, Where It Is:
    It’s a question of whether we’re going to go forward into the future, or past to the back.
    Vice-President Dan Quayle
SPECIAL SECTION:
Yogi Berra
    Lorenzo Pietro Berra, or Lawrence Peter Berra, better known as Yogi Berra, is an American institution.
    A great New York Yankee catcher and manager of both the New York Yankees and Mets, elected three times as the American League’s most valuable player, Berra was noted on field for his hitting and catching, and off field for his pithy way of saying the wrong thing in a way that made the Yogi-ismwiser and more meaningful than the right way of saying it. For example, there’s a lot of wisdom in Yogi’s:
    You got to be careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.
    Of course, other Yogi-isms are just plain fun. When someone asked Manager Yogi if Don Mattingly’s performance as a first baseman had exceeded his expectations, Yogi answered: “I’d say he’s done more than that.”
    Many Yogi-isms may have been attributed to Yogi rather than actually said by him. And some things he said evolved a bit in the retelling. For example, a careful
Sports Illustrated
survey found that Yogi’s famous “It ain’t over till it’s over” probably began as “We’re not out till we’re out,” referring to a 1974 pennant race. That became “You’re not out of it till you’re out of it” and so on until it became the quintessential Yogi-ism in its final, pithy form.
    But no matter. The fun of Yogi-isms is the fun of them, whether he actually said them or not. And he himself admitted he often didn’t remember if he said a specific Yogi-ism or not. So, when reading Yogi, remember what Yogi said:
    I could’ve