A Part of Me by Anouska Knight Read Free Book Online

brother and lifted Harry’s tiny hand to my lips to press a kiss there. There was a reason new babies’ hands were sized to match an adult mouth. Kisses were meant for tiny fingers. Tiny, delicate fingers, so perfect it was almost inconceivable that they could be created so easily. So easily for so many. I held Harry’s hand against my mouth.
    We’d never meant to fall pregnant. I hadn’t even missed a pill. It had just happened, and everything had changed, irrevocably. The doctor had told us ours was a determined little egg, the one in a hundred to outwit the advances of contraceptive science and bed down for a chance at life. By some twist of fate, we’d been shown something wonderful, and then, once we’d fallen in love with our tiny stowaway, fate had seen fit to take him away again.
    Mum intensified her attack on the spuds. I indulged in another hit of Harry’s inimitable scent. ‘Come on, handsome.’ I clucked, strolling towards the conservatory windows. ‘Let’s see if we can find that little robin.’

CHAPTER 5
    T HERE WERE MANY days I’d have rather forgotten during my career as lead designer at Cyan Architecture & Design, but this one was already shaping up to go straight to the top of the leader board. A cyclist with a death wish had just committed the cardinal sin of cutting us up and Mum was still growling at his disappearing reflection in her mirrors. ‘Sunshine always brings the idiots out,’ she huffed, catching up with the traffic ahead. I was making a point of not looking up there: the city buses were all running the same campaign, posters plastered above their bumpers showing three beautiful children in a tricolour of races, begging the question,
Could you adopt?
    ‘Stop fiddling with your ear, sweetheart.’
    ‘I’m not fiddling with my ear. Watch the road.’
    Mum threw me a sideways glance. ‘You’re bound to feel nervous, Amy.’
    ‘It’s not my first day at school, Mum.
Thank goodness
. Could you have bought a more obscenely coloured car?’
    ‘You’re supposed to be a designer – embrace the alternative. Anyway, madam, there’s always the bus.’
    The bistro-lined streets were already alive with coffee-wielding officebots on their way to work as Mum pulled us over into the bus lane. I eyed the small private car park over by the biscuit factory. James’s car wasn’t there. Good. Thoughts of what our first encounter might hold had me turning myself in knots. It had been the same for days now, I’d try to work out what I was going to say to him, but even within the controlled parameters of my own mental monologue, it all got messy and jumbled. First the hurt of what he’d done would hit all over again, then the anger at his timing (because if your boyfriend feels the need to bonk one of your colleagues, timing made all the difference, of course). Thinking of James and Sadie together had invariably been enough to trip off further unsightly bouts of snotty crying each time I’d played it through my head. Not being able to remember the last time I’d driven James wild with a single kiss, or was woken in the morning with a kiss of his own, triggered my growing sense of inadequacy just as effectively.
    One of the city buses honked and pulled around us into the lane.
    ‘All right, all right. I’m going!’ Mum snipped.
    I tried not to look at the advertisement plastered across the rear of the bus, but eyes have a habit of seeking out what the mind knows isn’t good for it. I’d never been so glad so see an ad for broadband.
    I jumped out of Mum’s lime-green Honda before I could change my mind. I needed to talk to James, I knewthat much. But walking back into the office was a big enough hurdle to deal with today.
    ‘Amy?’ She was ducking to better see me as I straightened myself out on the pavement.
    ‘Please, Ma. No more advice.’
    ‘I just wanted to say, good luck. It takes courage to walk in there, Amy. You hold your head up.’
    I stopped fussing with my clothes