After the Parade by Lori Ostlund Read Free Book Online Page A

think the Korean recruiter felt bad about what you said?”
    â€œI hope he did,” said Taffy. “That was the point, after all.” She licked a glob of greasy cheese from her palm. “What I wouldn’t give for some kimchi right about now, but what are the chances of finding decent kimchi in El Paso, Texas?”
    Aaron did not reply, and after a moment, Taffy said, “He started it, Aaron. The man insulted me. Do we agree?” Her voice was sharp.
    Aaron nodded.
    â€œAnd do I not have the right to defend myself?”
    Aaron did not look at her or respond.
    â€œListen,” she said. “Is it because he’s Korean? Is that what this is about? You’re going to sit there and make one of those bullshit cultural relativity arguments?” She let her voice drift up to a breezy falsetto: “ ‘Oh, it’s wrong for an American to call me a fat pig, but we need to excuse him since he’s from a different culture.’ Because I can assure you that there are plenty of fat Koreans who would feel just as humiliated as I did, and he knows that. And if he doesn’t, well, it’s time he learned.”
    She was breathing heavily, not even waiting for him to reply. “Or maybe you think I should be used to it by now. I’m fat, so I need to expect people to say things, right? It goes with the territory. Is that it, Aaron?” She pounded the table hard as she spoke, the basket of nachos hopping like a rabbit toward the edge. “Or maybe this is some male solidarity thing that I’m just not getting?” She studied him. “Somehow,I don’t peg you that way, but there you have it. Help me out if I’ve missed something.”
    Aaron thought about the ease with which the man had spoken, as though Taffy’s body, her fat, were public domain, open for scrutiny and comment. He knew that he had hurt her more deeply than the Korean recruiter had because the recruiter was a stranger, while he was supposed to be her friend. Still, nothing changed the fact that he was put off by Taffy in a way that seemed beyond his control, repulsed not by her size or laxness in grooming but by something he did not fully understand, though he knew it had to do with the way she positioned herself in the world. She had told him at breakfast one morning that she taught only beginning ESL because she preferred the docility of students who did not yet comprehend what was being said to or expected of them. He imagined her as a child, the one always put in charge when teachers left the room because they knew she would report everything, caring more about this small measure of power than she did the goodwill of her peers.
    Taffy dipped another chip into the cheese and opened her mouth wide to receive the whole dripping mess, then slapped her greasy hands across her thighs, thumping them like watermelons. “I’m fat, Aaron,” she declared, bits of nacho flying from her mouth. He felt one land on his face but did not reach up with his napkin to brush it away because he thought that that was what she expected him to do. He glanced at the tables around them. More than anything, he wanted her to lower her voice.
    â€œThat’s what Glenna always did,” she said. “Looked around to see whether anyone was listening.”
    â€œWell, she probably couldn’t focus on the conversation with people listening. It’s like having two audiences, and they want completely different things. You want to know what I think, but everyone else wants to be entertained, and I don’t care to be entertainment for a bunch of strangers.”
    This, in fact, was Grievance #78: When Walter wants to win an argument, he waits until we’re in public, knowing that the minute it gets heated, I’ll back down. He claims there’s no forethought involved, that he cannot stifle himself simply because there are others around. Still, I can’t help but feel that he