Alex by Adam J Nicolai Read Free Book Online Page A

relaxed so much.  
    "So what's the plan?" Derek asked as they drove home.   The sky was bruising already.   Daylight Saving would be over soon, and the days would start ending at like five o'clock.
    It was nice not to be driving; to just be the guy in shotgun, fiddling with the iPod.   Ian clicked his tongue.   "I don't want to go home yet.   If that's cool."
    "That should be fine.   Jake's out of town this weekend anyway."
    "Sweet."   Ian cracked a smile, still looking at the iPod menu.   "Just make sure you keep your fag paws in your bedroom."
    Derek cackled.   "Whatevah, niggah.   Like I'd want to tap that anyway."
    31
     
    "You know what's weird?" Ian said.   They were in the living room, watching a rerun of Star Trek: TNG, eating delivered pizza.   Derek arched a brow.
    "I see kidnapped kids everywhere now.   Billboards, milk cartons.   Those ads for Jarrid Kalen's daughter that are always on.   Everywhere.
    "It's just like when Alina got pregnant.   Both of us started noticing all the pregnant women.   It seemed like there were a million of them, all of a sudden.   Or when Alex was born, and we both started seeing kids every place."   Ian smiled.   "Ours was the best, of course."
    "Yeah he was," Derek agreed.  
    "Those blue eyes," Ian said.   "Those blue eyes just kill me."   He'd said it a hundred times before.   He indulged anyway.
    "They were... captivating, is the only word," Derek said, and smiled.   "He was gonna slay the ladies, that's for sure."
    Without transition, Ian said, "I've been sleeping like shit."
    Derek picked up on the comment, turned the TV down a bit.   "No surprise there, I suppose."
    "Well, yeah.   But I mean, even when I do get to sleep, I have these dreams.   They're just... so real.   I feel like I'm not sleeping at all."
    He waited.   Derek said, "What kind of dreams?"
    "They're about Alex."
    Derek's face softened.   "You remembering him?"
    "Well... yes.   I mean, he's always doing something he did when he was alive.   Playing with his cars, or..."   His stomach clenched.   "Or playing Hide and Seek."
    "That sounds nice, but from your face... they're not?"
    "I'm not just remembering him.   In the dreams, I'm walking around the house.   You know?   The empty house.   It's just me, just... just like it is now.   And he's there.   I know he's dead, but I'll just come across him all of a sudden, just sitting on the couch."
    Derek let out a low breath.   "Wow."
    "Yeah.   And these dreams are so vivid, a few times I've..."   Ian stole a glance at his friend, his stomach still twisting.   "Gotten confused.   I'll wake up and it seems like it really happened.
    "You remember when I called you last week."
    "Yeah."
    "That was the first time it happened."
    "Wow," Derek repeated.   He sounded like he didn't know what else to say.   I can't even imagine, Ian heard Justin saying.   It was probably true.
    He suddenly felt like an asshole, cheapening his son's memory by telling ghost stories.   The fact that he was talking to an old high school friend only made it worse.   Grow up, he told himself.  
    But now that he'd started talking, he couldn't stop.
    "It's always like he's trying to guilt me," Ian said.   He couldn't look at Derek; he looked at the wall instead, saw Picard holding forth on some grave matter of Starfleet protocol from the corner of his eye.   "We had this talk before he... before he got kidnapped.   And I told him to scream for help, and to bite and fight back.   And he throws that back in my face.   He says, 'I'll just call for you and...'"  
    Ian's throat closed off.   While he fought for control, Derek waited.
    Finally, Ian whispered, "Can you imagine how many times he must have called for me?"
    "Ian."   Derek leaned forward, tensed his elbows against his knees.   "No.   You did everything you could."
    "Did I?   I could've been in Shakopee."
    "You had no way of knowing that's where he was.   You were counting on the police