Blood and Guts in High School by Kathy Acker Read Free Book Online

Salesgirl: You should know.
    Lousy Mindless Salesgirl (panicking): I don't know. Why am I rude? Parisian Hippy Salesgirl: You're just not a nice person. Lousy Mindless Salesgirl: Look. If we're going to work together, we're
    going to have to get along some minimal bit. You can't just insult me
    for no reason at all. Parisian Hippy Salesgirl: You don't like playing those games, do you?
    (Walks away from the Lousy Mindless Salesgirl.)
    From then on, everyone at the bakery avoided me. I was the plague and there was a huge circle of emptiness around me. if another counter girl was supposed to be working, the moment she saw me she retreated into the back room.
    I had to do all the counter work. My father stopped sending me money. I had to work seven days a week. I had no more feelings. I was no longer a real person. If I stopped work for just a second, I would hate. Burst through the wall and hate. Hatred that comes out like that can be a bomb.
    I hated most that I didn't have any more dreams or visions. It's not that the vision-world, the world of passion and wildness, no longer existed. It always is. But awake I was disconnected from dreams. I was psychotic.
    I walked out of my crummy school. It was already night. I was running 'cause I was late for the bakery. I tripped.
    'Ha ha ha.' Some boys were chuckling behind me. Fuck them.
    'Just 'cause she used to be part of THE SCORPIONS she thinks she's
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    tough,' some dumb gum-chewer snarled. 'Now she's handing dumb little cookies to dumb little people. I bet she got her cunt sewn up.'
    I did. I kept running so I wouldn't be late to work.
    'Cumere.'
    I kept on running.
    'Cumere.' Something grabbed my shoulder. 'Look at me.' As the hand turned my body around, the other hand shoved my chin up so my eyes saw a pair of grey Chinese eyes and a long nose. I couldn't see anything else 'cause of the darkness.
    'Don't listen to them. They never used their cocks in their lives. I hear you make it with a lot of guys.'
    'I used to. I don't anymore. Who're you?'
    'Heh heh heh.' His laugh sounded like a sneer to me. 'I hear you used to not even care what the guys' names were who you made it with.'
    'What do you want with me?'
    'I want to stick my dick between your legs.'
    'You can't.' I was back to my old hard SCORPION way of speaking. And his hand running up and down my back hard made my legs wet.
    'You don' wanna. You don' wanna.' He was talking right in my ear. 'What does girlie wanna do? You gotta boy at home you gotta go and screw? You gotta boy who's a better screw than me?' The words were closer and hotter. 'You're coming home with me now.'
    'I can't.'
    'Why not?'
    'I gotta go to work.'
    'What's the bitch crying about?' 'Why don't you beat her up, Tommy?' 'Punch her in the stomach.'
    'My friends like you,' he whispered right into my ear as he pushed me along. 'We're gonna be hot together.'
    'Listen. I can't go home with you. I'm not what you think. I lose my job and I'll be up shitcreek. I'm not going to give up my life for a one-night fuck.'
    His lips came down on mine. His tongue travelled in and covered mine. His hands ran huge insects down my back.
    I guess a long time passed, but I didn't know.
    'Well?'
    'Uh . . .' I didn't know. 'If I come home with you, I'll ruin the friendship between us.'
    His hand brought my mouth to his mouth till his mouth was fucking my mouth. It was a fountain. We shoved against each other.
    He lifted his head. 'It's up to you,' he told me.
    I went home with him and didn't give a shit anymore about anything else but him.
    Love turned me back to crime. Tommy and I kidnapped children.
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    Smeared up the walls of buildings. Carried dangerous weapons and used them. Did everything we could to dull our judgement and acted as outrightly violent as possible. Shitted on the streets. Attacked strangers with broken bottles. Hit people over the head with hard objects. Kicked the guts out of people on the streets. Started fights and riots.
    I could barely stand being