Blood and Guts in High School by Kathy Acker Read Free Book Online Page A

so happy. The sex made me crazier than the crime. I started to thrash just when he touched me: just his fingers pinching my nipples made me come. I couldn't stop rushing toward him like an overloaded volcano. . . .
    We still didn't have any emotions but underneath . . .
    It's hard to get beyond sex:
    My legs are split apart. Knees up. Fish is open. One hand on clit.
    Left leg raised up. Right leg bent and horizontal. Hand under left leg; middle finger all way in cunt.
    Legs spread; ass up. Third and fourth fingers, V open cunt wide.
    Tommy was a SCORPION
    He was an intellectual criminal.
    He believed his plans worked and they did.
    He couldn't see reality beyond his plans.
    He was too smart to believe his plans.
    Totally scared out of his mind in the blackness no ground SPLIT.
    All the SCORPION boys hit SPLIT.
    That's why they hated women.
    They depended on crime and crime kept them stupid.
    BEYOND CRIME, DREAMS, AND SEX: DISASTER
    A conversation between Tommy and Janey before disaster hit: disaster beyond SPLIT:
    Tommy: Do you think there's a for ever?
    Janey: Anything lasts for ever? (Thinks.) Sure. Everything lasts for ever.
    Tommy: Huh?
    Janey: Love goes away only when your mind goes away and then you're
    someone else. Tommy: There're no truths anymore. Nothing stands up. Janey: Your mind stinks, not 'cause you got all these opinions, ways of
    judging, but 'cause you depend on them. You know your plans aren't real. You're a smart boy. All you see is
    nothing. There's a world right in front of your eyes. It ain't money, the world
    of alienated action. Anyone can do absolutely anything he or she
    wants. It's all absolutely free. In the brilliant sunlights. Events rise
----
    singly out of ... I don't know what I'm saying I gotta get money. I gotta shake hands with the death-world and death-world is killing off human beings. . . . We gotta get to a point where we can be together. . . .
    I can't take you, Janey. I don't want to know who you are.
    But if we're not together, we're not going to be able to live. This isn't romance. This isn't about you and me being in love.
    No.
    NO to you language no to anything but the money-work I'm forced to
    do I sit alone in this room how do you get a book to split open,
    the object the event no a big flaming NO
    and only because of NO do you understand
    Tommy and I are together.
    We pulled into the rock club about one o'clock. It looked like a war was happening.
    We had heard that this rock band called THE CONTORTIONS was gonna play in a redneck town in New Jersey and the white head singer thought he was James Brown. The rest of the band would be too drunk to stop the rednecks from beating up Brown.
    James Brown was crawling baby-style across the floor.
    The rednecks were jerking their cocks off in a corner.
    James Brown crawled up to the redneck's boot.
    The redneck, confused, jumped James.
    Everyone in the club started hitting each other.
    I heard cops' sirens.
    I ran.
    The rest of THE SCORPIONS were behind me.
    We piled into the van.
    Green and pink lights flashed past us, neon yellow and violet lights gleamed.
    The bright lights were denser and denser.
    We were moving faster.
    'Hey,' Sally said, 'step on it.'
    'Huh?'
    'The cops're after us.'
    He drove faster.
    'Can't ya go faster?'
    He drove even faster.
    I heard the cops' sirens clearly.
    'Suck my tits.' Greaso leaned over and sucked Sally's tit while he drove.
    'Watch where you're going, Greaso.'
----
    The cops' sirens were louder. Greaso's foot hit the accelerator all the way. We were in a totally black section of Newark. A tiny red light appeared in the blackness. The red light grew larger and larger.
    I don't remember the crash. Everyone died but Monkey who got brain damage and me. For a few days I floated in a dream.
    The blackness I now see everywhere comes from perverted because unrealized wants. I see this. I won't be able to pretend the world isn't horrible. Overwhelming fear separates me from the want I saw. Now overwhelming