Blood and Guts in High School by Kathy Acker Read Free Book Online Page B

fear makes me part of the death-world.
    She started to run from death . . . She left high-school and lived in the East Village . . .
    Outside high school
    How spring came to the land of snow and icicles
    1 The Hideous Monster and the Beaver
    Once upon a time . . .
    there was a big ugly hideous monster. He lived in a hut below the living
    fountain within the long icicles. All of the land was ice. The air was
    almost white. Air rapidly became solid and the solid became air.
    The big ugly monster kept house with a beaver. While his head was scraping against the low kitchen ceiling, he would cook for the beaver. He would bring the food to the table. Then they would sit in two huge rocking chairs and face each other across the huge round red table. They wouldn't say anything.
    The beaver stood up and waddled to the upstairs of the hut. As he climbed the stairs, his tail said, 'Pad, pad'. Alone the hideous monster scraped the plastic dishes, dumped them in the sink and washed them. Then he tied up a dark-green garbage bag and dragged it outside.
    The snow was falling over the ice and turning to ice. The snow was falling over the ice and hiding the ice. The poor hideous monster couldn't see anything. He started to cry and the tears turned to ice on his cheeks. He didn't know what to do. He grew scared because he didn't know what to do.
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    He forgot he didn't know what to do.
    He just stood there.
    He went back inside the hut.
    You couldn't tell the difference between a snowflake and a star.
    2 How a bear tried to get into the Monster's and the Beaver's House A bear came sludging through the snow. The big brown bear was cold, hungry, and tired. All night he had been wandering in the falling snow looking for food. The falling snow had obscured the ice that hid the frozen fish. Falling snow had obscured the world. The bear saw the beaver's and the monster's hut.
    When he lifted his paw to knock on a door almost the size of his paw, an avalanche of snow fell to the ground.
    Knock. Knock. Knock.
    The monster had just stumbled out of bed. He hadn't had his coffee yet. It was too early for someone to be at the door, so no one could be at the door.
    Knock. Knock. Knock.
    'Whatta ya want?' the monster grumbled. He was looking for the coffee. He didn't listen to the answer.
    Knock. Knock. Knock. 'Please let me in,' the bear yelled in a little girl's yell.
    'Why should I let you in? You might rape me or kill me or you might be one of those muggers who robbed three people down the street yesterday. We know all about you.'
    'I'm not a robber. I'm a little girl who lost her way in the woods last night. I want to call my mommy 'cause she's worried to death about me. I want to tell her I'm still alive.'
    'What were you doing out in the snow all night?'
    'My mommy and my twenty sisters live in a horrible slum on the east side of town. Mommy has no limbs and ten of my sisters are paralyzed. The other ten are wanted by the police for bank robberies. They didn't really do them. So I'm the only one who can get the food. Every day I go out and gather weeds. Then my ten bank robber sisters make a soup out of them.
    'There aren't any weeds left around our house, so yesterday I went farther away from the house than usual.
    'Before I knew it, it became dark.
    'It was the blackest night. Huge sheets of snow and hail and sleet suddenly fell out of the blackness. I couldn't see anymore and I couldn't hear anymore.' (The monster remembered when he was out in the falling snow with the green garbage bag.) 'Everywhere I turned was blackness. Everywhere was pure whiteness and blackness and cold, cold.'
    'I know what you're talking about,' the monster replied.
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    'I started walking to my home (I had an idea of home in my mind), but I didn't know where home was. There were just unending blocks of pure blackness and whiteness. Finally grey morning light began to filter through and as I began to see, the first thing I saw was