you’ll have a better grasp on what you want. You can always
try talking to Mia, too,” she suggests.
“No way. I don’t want her caught in the middle. She’s just as close to
Eric as I am. I’m not putting her in the position where she’s forced to take
sides. As soon as I figure everything out, I’ll fill her in. Until then, she needs
to remain blissfully unaware and neutral. Switzerland.”
“Speaking of Mia,” Tori clears her throat.
I spin around. The door to the balcony opens up and Mia pokes her head
out, her hazel eyes analyzing the situation. She slips her body through and
closes the door. “What are you ho-bags doing out here?”
“Figuring out the best way for Raven to break up with Brandon,” Tori
covers.
The surprise on Mia’s face is quickly replaced by sympathy. “Oh, no. What
happened?”
“I can’t do it anymore, Mia. He doesn’t make me feel anything out of the
ordinary. There’s no rush of emotion. No excitement. The relationship should be
fresh and fun. I shouldn’t have to try and force a connection with him, or
convince myself he’s the right choice. If he were, I’d feel it. And if we don’t
have it by now, we’re not gonna get it. God, I suck. He’s mapping out our
future, and I’m mapping out our end.”
“You’re not feelin’ it. There’s nothing wrong with that. At the end of
the day, all that matters is whether or not you’re happy with the relationship.
Clearly you’re not, so he’s gotta go,” Mia answers, sliding her hand across her
throat to represent Brandon’s demise.
Tori points to Mia. “What she said.”
“But what should I say to him?”
“Just tell him the truth and try to let him down easy,” Mia suggests.
I take a deep breath and brace myself. I can’t deal with this awful
feeling anymore. Forget what I said earlier about not wanting to break his
heart on my birthday. I have no choice. The longer I wait, the worse this will
become. And I can’t bear the thought of having the word cheater plastered onto my guilty conscience. I can barely tolerate heartbreaker, but at least by sparing him more pain, hopefully he’ll be able to forgive me
for what I’m about to do.
I walk into my room to find Brandon unpacking boxes and categorizing my
stuff, because he knows that’s how I like it. Wish he would stop being so great
for once. It would make my job easier. “Hey, can we talk outside for a minute?”
I ask timidly, leaning my hip against the dresser. My confidence is nowhere to
be found.
“Sure. What’s up?”
I motion my head toward the front door, urging him to follow. As soon as
we hit the hallway, my friends scatter like roaches and pretend to be busy
doing something moderately important. Brandon’s used to their weird behavior at
this point. He opens the front door and ushers me out—a true gentleman until
the end.
Once we make it down to the parking lot, I suggest going to his car for
some privacy. Getting dumped sucks. No need to throw salt on the wound by
allowing bystanders to witness it.
Once we climb inside, he asks, “What’s going on?” There’s an edge of
nervousness to his voice.
Be brave and honest. Be brave and honest, I chant in my head.
“Tell me something you can’t stand about me.”
My request catches him off guard. He shifts around in his seat, clearly
uncomfortable. “Uh...is this some kind of test?”
I adjust my body so I’m facing him. “No, it’s not. Tell me something
about my personality that drives you crazy.”
His response is so instantaneous you’d think it was queued up. “Not a
thing. You’re perfect.”
Liar!
He grasps my chin and strokes the side of my cheek with his thumb. I
close my eyes and relish the feeling one last time. I’m about to break his
heart, and he’s the one comforting me. How messed up is that?
I reopen my eyes and use them to summon the truth out of him. “Be
honest.”
I can’t explain why, but I need this. Maybe it’s to make myself
Learning to Kill: Stories