through the crowd hoping to hide. Poor Claudio followed me, yelling: âSlow down Rebecca! Iâm risking a heart attack!â
The day of my
comeback
had ended in disaster. In addition, I had destroyed my favourite sandals. It was all fault of that bastard of Niccolò!
Not sure I loved Milan any more.
3
Lace, Confetti & Wedding Favors
That night I couldnât sleep. I kept thinking of Niccolò and my embarrassing performance. I kept seeing him gently touching Annaâs neck. I thought how lonely I was. The sense of failure was overwhelming. I didnât even exact a decent revenge!
I stared at my alarm clock, counting the hours Iâd been awake. I was pondering how strange love is â it seems so difficult but itâs simpler than we think. Actually, itâs not rocket science. Love comes when we least expect it â like coming upon a wildflower in a field. Suddenly we are elated. Love is an intimate emotion and it grows at a different pace and intensity for everyone. When itâs reciprocated, itâs a miracle. It fills us, our bodies, our minds. Love gives deeper meaning to our days, to our lives. But when itâs not returned, or is denied, love becomes a painful, crushing burden.
I didnât sleep at all. The next morning, I got out of bed with puffy eyes and a headache. I made coffee very slowly, looking out of the window. An important day was ahead and I had to forget about my anxiety and love obsession.
I showered and then went to my closet to choose what to wear. Every time I start a new job, I feel nervous, anxious, but also excited â like the first day of school.
My closet offered a wide range of choices: sheath dresses, suits, trousers of all styles, jackets, striped t-shirts, hats, cashmere sweaters, skirts, and shirts that I hated to press and always sent to the dry cleaner.
I didnât buy anything new for that day, but so what? As Coco Chanel once said:
Elegance does not mean putting on a new dress
. I was convinced I could still look great without wearing something new.
I selected a light grey sheath dress with round neckline and paired it with cap toe black and white shoes, in perfect Chanel style. Last touch: six strings of pearls around my neck.
I put just a little make-up on â only to cover the circles under my eyes â and finally a few drops of
Chanel No 5
, my precious talisman.
I looked at myself in the mirror and felt satisfied: professional, good-looking and elegant.
I put on my funky sunglasses, grabbed my Marni handbag â one of my favourites, but it was always so heavy, filled with so much stuff! I left my apartment, anxious and with a slight a stomach ache.
That morning in the subway I couldnât help but notice many young couples apparently in love, squeezed among sleepy commuters. Their caresses, whispers and holding hands got on my nerves. So corny! There should be a law to forbid couples to kiss and cuddle in public places. Who ever said that all humanity has to witness and enjoy other peopleâs love making?
When I arrived at my office building â way too early â I stopped at the café below to have a cappuccino. I sat near the window to watch what kind of people entered. Then I picked up my courage and entered. My new colleagues all seemed young and hip. They wore casual but trendy clothes, most of them had smart phone ear buds, and they smiled a lot at one other saying good morning.
I had an appointment with the agencyâs director and wasnât sure where to go. While trying to figure out the office floor plan, I saw the guy who had saved me from that embarrassing fall just a few days before. He wore a white shirt with his sleeves rolled up and looked so sexy. He carried a huge box that he probably had to deliver to someone working in the building. He must have been an errand boy. The most handsome errand boy I had ever seen.
He approached me with his perfect smile and sparkling eyes: âNice
Learning to Kill: Stories