Deep Green: Color Me Jealous with Bonus Content by Melody Carlson Read Free Book Online Page B

features seemed to soften as he looked down at me. I was thankful that I’d taken care to dress just right, every hair in place, makeup perfect.
    “Yeah, I feel bad too,” I told him in a very gentle voice.
    “I honestly didn’t mean for that to happen, Jordan. I guess I was just mad that you went to the party without me, and then I was drinking way too much. I never meant for things to turn out this way.”
    I shook my head in a sympathetic way. “Me neither.”
    “Because we really had something, Jordan,” he continued. “You and me. I really felt like my relationship with you was different.”
    I nodded without speaking.
    Then he shoved his hands into his letter jacket and looked up at the sky for a moment as if he was trying to figure things out. “But maybe it’s for the best, you know?” He sighed deeply. “I mean, maybe it was just meant to be like this.”
    I felt a wave of disappointment break over me, but just the same, I managed to maintain my best poker face and simply said, “Maybe so, Tim.”
    “So, you’re really okay with everything, Jordan?” He looked hopeful now, like he thought he was getting off the hook really easy. And I suppose after all Shawna had put him through a few weeks back, I must’ve seemed like a real pushover.
    “Well, you really hurt me, Timothy,” I told him. Now this was true enough. “And I guess you showed me that you’re not the guy I thought you were.”
    He frowned slightly. Had I hit a nerve?
    “So why should I have a problem if you want to go back to someone like Shawna?” I made a face like I was smelling a pair of dirty socks. And that’s when I lied to him. “I mean, why would I want you back at all after that?” Then I kind of smiled in this sad way as I opened the door of my car. “Have a nice life, Timothy.”
    Somehow I managed to drive away in what I’m sure appeared a perfectly calm and controlled manner, but inside I was hurting and furious and actually seething by the time I was half a block away. And when I was two blocks away, I was actually screaming at the top of my lungs. Of course, I realized I had totally forgotten cheerleading practice after school. And so I pretended like I was simply driving to the local convenience store, where I went in and bought myself a huge Coke and a big package of Whoppers to share with the other girls. No one seemed to notice how hoarse my voice was at practice.
    So this has been my little game plan—playing it cool—and so far it is better than nothing and has probably kept me from totally losing it. But I still feel like I’m getting nowhere and I wonder if I need to take it up a notch or two.
    As a result, I have to ask myself, What does Timothy Lawrence really want? I know he and I really had something, and although I must admit that a part of it was physical attraction, there was something more too. I mean, when we talked, we really talked. He confessed to me that he’s worried about what happens after high school, and he can’t decide which college to go to, and he’s afraid he won’t play ball well enough to get a scholarship. He told me sweet, sensitive things—things I’m sure he doesn’t tell anyone else, things I would never dream of repeating. And I also remember him telling me, right after he broke up with Shawna, that their relationship had been empty and shallow and how he wanted something more—someone who really understood him, someone who knew how to listen and really care, something that he told me I had and Shawna didn’t.
    So after cheerleading practice I went home and made a list. I know I should’ve been studying for my history exam tomorrow, but somehow I just couldn’t focus. Instead I made this list and taped it to the back of his picture, which I still keep on my dresser.
    What Timothy Wants
    1. A girlfriend who really listens to him. Someone who cares. Someone he can talk to about important things .
    2. A girlfriend who’s popular, since he’s in with the “in”