Deviation (Deviate Series) by Dani Morales Read Free Book Online Page A

the fuck, I haven’t eaten in a while so what the hell is this crap? I’m exhausted, throwing up is exhausting. I take the towel off the back of my neck and wipe my mouth with it. I feel as if I’m burning up so I shuffle back and lay down. I let the left side of my face rest on the cold tiles so I can look away from Angel because I know I look like shit. I lasted one day the last time I tried to get clean. One damn day. I couldn’t last any longer than that? How the hell am I supposed to do this, especially with him around me all day and night? He’s going to be the overprotective mother I never had.
    “Fine, if you’re going to be in here stay on your side and keep your hands to yourself. I don’t need to be treated like a princess or like you’re my mother , okay? Got it?” I turn my head, scowling at him to make my point clear.
    “Whatever you say sunshine ,” he shrugs and smirks.
    “Oh dear lord , it’s going to be a long couple of days. That’s if I make it past today.”
    “Oh you’ re not leaving my side, Nevaeh,” his voice is hard, determined.
    I didn’t even realize I spoke that out loud. Great the filter to my mouth has now been removed and shit’s going to be flying out. I’m starting to tremble, my teeth are chattering, and the fog that set up a permanent residence on my brain has been washed away with the rain of reality. Terror like I’ve never felt before starts filling in the gaps and my body begins to quake, like full blown earth shattering, opening up holes in the earth, quakes. If I could see myself I’m sure it looks like I’m having a seizure. I’ve never been more terrified than I am in this moment. I don’t remember this happening the first time, but then again I only lasted a few hours.
    I start to sit up and clutch my throat. I can’t breathe. I’m suffocating. The walls are closing in on me and all I can see are spots dancing around. Arms circle around me and I stiffen. I’m brought back to when I was fourteen and one of the boys in foster care was with me. It was his last year there so he thought he could get away with it.
    “ Its okay, baby, I’ll take care of you. It won’t hurt I promise. See this hug, as he wraps his arms around me, it feels good right? Let me make you feel good.”
    I’m crying but there’s no one there to help me. They leave us with him a lot so they can go party. We’re just a paycheck.
    The arms around me tighten and I completely loose it. I lash out with an elbow to the persons ribs and when his arms drop I jump up and run to the closet. As soon as the door shut s I slide down the door and cry.
    Everything that I’ve tried to block is bubbling to the surface ; all the images, the pain, and the never ending tears. The name calling, the touches, the slaps, are all being dragged to the surface.
    “ Neveah you’re nothing but a whore, a bitch, you’re not good for anything; all you’ll ever be is white trash, an easy fuck, a conquest without the challenge.”
    My head falls onto my knees as my hands wrap around me, holding me together as if I’m going to shatter if I let myself go. I can feel vibrations on my back so my hands move to protect my head. It’s then I realize it’s from the door. The vibrations of someone banging on the door are seeping through, penetrating my skin to the recesses of my soul that’s been buried deep.
    How am I supposed to do this? I’m not strong, I’m weak that’s why I started in the first place. It’s easier to slip away into oblivion than to face what happened. Taking pills, drinking alcohol, it’s my one reprieve, and the only time I can see without seeing.
    “Nevaeh , open the door.” He sounds so sad… so lost.
    “Just go away Angel, ” I manage to get out in between sobs.
    “Baby I’m not going anywhere and I would have already broke n this door too if I knew you weren’t on the other side of it. Just open the door.”
    “No.” I say but my resolve is crumbling. It’s crumbling