Deviation (Deviate Series) by Dani Morales Read Free Book Online Page B

like the walls I thought I built to protect myself. Those stupid walls with their lack of fortification. I hear a heavy sigh on the other side of the door.
    “Please. Please just let me in ,” he begs.
    I can’t help but feel there’s a double meaning here. How could I let him in when I’m not worth the time and effort he’s exerting? I’m a lost cause and all I’m going to do is disappoint him just like I’m disappointing the memory of my family. Disappointment and shame, that’s all I am, one giant mistake that should have died 9 years ago. I keep my back to the door but manage to place myself in a fetal position. Again I hear a heavy sigh and a body sliding down the door. He’s not going to give up.  Truth be told, his presence is oddly comforting, even if it is on the other side of the door.
    Silence.
    Who knew silence could be so loud? I open my eyes but see nothing. Its pitch black and the only thing I can think of is that I finally did it. I finally managed to kill myself. This is what I expected, darkness, it’s a warm blanket on a cold winter night. My stomach is churning, I can feel bile rising. I scramble to my feet frantically grabbing at air in an attempt to locate the door handle. I pull open the door and trip over a body but manage to make it to my best friend before the contents located in my mouth burst free. I can vaguely hear groaning over my retching but I don’t care.
    When all that’s left are dry heaves I start to relax. Once those cease I get up to go to the sink. I locate my tooth brush grab the tooth paste and clean my mouth. I walk out of the bathroom straight to the bed. I don’t look up when I hear Angel walking toward me. I don’t do anything but lie there staring at the wall. I feel the bed shift with his weight as he lies down behind me.
    I feel defeated. I have no energy to tell him to go away. I, however, have enough energy to cry. So that’s what I do. I cry.
    “I’m going to put my arms around you Nevaeh,” he sounds cautious.
    I don’t say anything. I don’t move. I know I don’t deserve him but for once I want something so bad that it hurts. So bad that I can destroy myself, or him, in the process and I can’t do that. He deserves something more than me. I cry harder. I cry for the girl I used to be before the heartache. I cry for the love I won’t have. I cry for the boy next to me . I cry for his attempt to help me when I know, as much as I’m lying right here, I’m going to disappoint him. I cry for him, because as sure as I am about who I am, I’m going to break him.

Chapter 7
     
    I can feel warmth on my face. It’s almost too hot. I start to wiggle away from the heat when an arm tightens around me, causing me to freeze and my eyes to pop open. I take in the arm wrapped around me, securing me to him. My face is resting on a very naked chest and my leg, which is also bare, is tangled between his legs. I try to extract myself from the web of limbs and blankets, to only get pulled in tighter.
    “Just five more minutes and then I’ll let you go ,” He whispers then places a kiss on top of my head.
    Did I enter the twilight zone? We were just yelling at each other, then I was puking up everything that was in my body, then I was catatonic, and now he’s kissing my head? I need to get out of here, now. The sooner I can leave and get something to relieve me of the past two days, the better. It’s been two day since I’ve had anything. I don’t feel like throwing up anymore so maybe that portion of the getting sober part is done.
    I move some more causing him to groan but he releases me. I get up without a word and go to the bathroom shutting the door behind me. I turn the shower on as hot as possible and step inside, cursing because I forgot I had the damn cast. I get out real quick and find a bag under the sink. I manage to tie it around the cast and my arm, preventing water from getting in. I sit on the bottom of the shower as the scalding water turns