Dexter (Mistress & Master of Restraint) by Erica Chilson Read Free Book Online

thought of his mouth on her makes me see red.
“No… no foreplay,” she whispers.
I hold her eyes and try to tell her to continue speaking. I’ll be her strength.
    “ He tied me, beat me, and then fucked me.” She sounds so despondent that I want to hold her.
    “Why, Monica? My God, why?” I drop into my chair and pull my fingers through my hair roughly. I want to yank it out at the roots in frustration.
    “I…I…I… ” she stutters out.
    I look at her and try to lend her my will. I try to project that she can trust me. She nods her head at me. I can see my Monica fill her eyes as she works through the haze of her mental pain.
“You could say … You could say that I’ve finally hit my rock bottom. You’re right. I have a problem. You’re not the first person who told me I’m too negative. I know that I’m pathological when it comes to many things and I think I should speak to someone about my issues. I’ve noticed some things trigger it. I’ll see a pretty girl and then I won’t eat because I’m fearful I’ll get fat. But the girl is always bigger than me, so why do I do it. Shouldn’t I want to eat to look like her? It doesn’t make sense, but I still do it. I’m self-punishing. Any fool can see that. ” She pauses and takes a deep breath.
    I settle on the couch and try to project calm. I’m calm and she can trust me with anything she has to say. Inside I’m an emotional storm.
    “Dalton was just another form of self-punishment. When I go to sleep at night I wonder why you love me and I wake up thinking the same thoughts. I can see how much you love me and I can’t fathom why. Dalton looked at me how I see myself.”
    I hand her a tissue to steam the steady flow of tears gliding down her face. She isn’t telling me anything I didn’t already know, but she needs to admit it out loud to believe it.
    “ I knew what he was doing from day one. Three months- for three months he conditioned me. He made me doubt myself , made me doubt you, and made me feel special. Today I finally gave in- instant gratification. As soon as I was tied up he started telling me I was worthless and that you would never want me again after he soiled me. He said he timed it for you to find us. So, yeah, I had no gratificat ion, just a shitload of shame and regret, ” she sobs.
    I feel worse than I did before and I didn’t think that was possible. A submissive can’t resist a dominant, even a shitty one. In Monica’s case, Dalton is a trained Master. It’ s my job to protect her and I have failed her. Three mo nths and I didn’t notice. I’m trained to notice everything. Instead of paying attention to Monica, I had my head up my ass and in my work. It’s about balance and I’m not good at balancing work, the club, the dungeon, Toby, and Monica. I need my ass kicked and Monica’s paying the price.
“You’re not ruin ed for me. You weren’t a virgin. I know you’ve had other people. I’m friends with Cortez and I watched Katya take you. It was your low self-esteem that put the monogamy rule into place in our relationship. My sharing wouldn’t have been because I didn’t love and want you. It would be because I want you happy. Sex and love are not mutually exclusive for our lifestyle, you know that. Dalton played your weakness es and I failed you. But I will not again. ”
    “Master, I’m to blame for my own actions,” she whispers.
    “And you’re not capable of making good choices. I’m sorry, but you have to become a permanent submissive. No longer can you skate the fine line between living in the lifestyle and being one of the norm . I can’t trust you to take care of yourself. You have a lot to learn. Most importantly you have to grow the hell up and lose this selfish way of thinking . This isn’t your punishment- this is your reality.”
I stand and offer her my han d. She immediately takes it. I’ m so starved for the touch of her skin that when her fingers twine with mine I almost moan.