Disintegration by Scott Nicholson Read Free Book Online

whose hand had guided him through his lockstep sleepwalk of greed?
    No. She didn't deserve that much credit. Where he'd been, where he was going, were decisions shaped in the forge of his guts. He could blame other people, and that was fast becoming his latest survival tactic, but the justifications always rang hollow.
    In the end, it comes down to you and the stranger in the mirror
.
    "Leave me," he said.
    "It's not going away, even if I do."
    Jacob smiled. The movement was painful to his chapped lips. "It's already gone." He felt the thump on his chest from the weight of the remote control she had tossed there.
    "You and your fucking martyr act," she said. "As if you're the only one who has to suffer."
    "I'll give you the damned divorce. Anything you want. The money, the cars, the house..."
    The house. Which was nothing but a heap of charcoal in one of Kingsboro's squarest subdivisions.
    "And the kids," he said, his voice taking on a shrill giddiness. "You can have the kids. No arguments from me. I don't even want visitation rights."
    "Jakie."
    He clenched the sheet with both hands, tried to squeeze juice from it, pressed his teeth together until his temples ached.
    "Calm down. You're scaring me." She moved to the head of the bed, reaching for the button that would signal the nurse's desk.
    "You should be scared."
    "Do you think this is any easier for
me
?"
    Jacob looked at her, the green eyes made large by her lenses. He was supposed to love this woman. He knew it, something strong tugged the inside of his chest, a deep memory turned over in the grave of his sleeping heart. How could something so sure and real have turned into this? How could an eternal bond dissolve like mist exposed to the bright glare of morning?
    "I'm sorry," he said. That stupid, useless word crawled out of his dry mouth. He couldn't stop it. The response was automatic. He'd said that word so often in the past ten months.
    "This is impossible," she said. She pulled her purse to her lap, opened it, took out a pair of clip-on sunglasses, and flipped the dark lenses over her eyes. Jacob was glad her eyes were gone. Now he could look at her fully.
    "There's something else," she said. She brought a crumpled envelope from the purse. "I guess you wanted to get in one last little twist of the knife."
    "What are you talking about?"
    Renee fished a note from the envelope and read it. "'Hope you liked the housewarming present. Yours always, J.'"
    Jacob's stomach became a great claw clutching at his other abdominal organs. "Where did you get that?"
    "I found it in my car. I guess you figured it wouldn't burn since I was parked on the street that night."
    "I don't know what you're talking about."
    "It's your handwriting, Jake. Don't play any more games. Please." A solitary tear slid from beneath the black curve of one plastic lens.
    "I still don't know what you're talking about."
    "The fire, Jake. The investigators think it might have been arson."
    "I know. They talked to me about it last week. I told them I don't know why anybody would want to set fire to our house. There's nothing special about it. It's not even the best one on the block."
    "But this note--" Her voice broke and all she could do was hold the beige paper in the air before her face.
    "--is nothing," Jake said, his pulse like a frantic clock ticking against his eardrums, a timer for an explosion. "Throw it away."
    "It's your handwriting. And the insurance--"
    "Don't talk crazy, honey."
    "I'm just confused. None of it makes sense. And Mattie...
Oh, Jake
." She squeezed the paper into a ball, stood so fast that her purse fell and scattered its contents across the antiseptic floor. She leaned over him and put her head gently on his chest.
    He reached out a wounded hand and stroked her hair. "Shh. It's going to be okay. I promise."
    "Please don't let it end like this," she said, her sobs making the narrow hospital bed shake.
    "Everything's going to be good as new," he said, his heart jumping so much he