Exploits by Mike Resnick Read Free Book Online

ready?” asked Sir Reginald, who had volunteered to be the official starter.
    “Not quite,” I said, fiddling with the wire on the end of the fishing pole.
    “What are you doing, Reverend Jones?” demanded Lo Chung suspiciously.
    “Just making sure my whip is in working order,” I said.
    “You whip me with that thing and I'll give you the beating of your life!” muttered Harvey under his breath.
    “Okay, now I'm ready,” I said after another moment or two.
    “Splendid!” said Sir Reginald. He pulled out his little ivory-handled revolver. “On your marks, get set, go!”
    He shot the pistol off just as I swung the fishing pole, with my apple attached to it, in front of the horse's face. He lunged at it, almost throwing Lo Chung out of the rickshaw, and Harvey got off to a quick lead.
    “What's going on back there, Preacher?” he asked as he ran along. “Where the hell is the horse?”
    “You worry about the running, and leave the horse to me,” I said, hanging over the side and dangling the apple just in front of the horse's nose. Whenever he reached for it, I flicked my hand and moved it a few inches away from him.
    Lo Chung was beating the horse with his whip and cussing a blue streak, but evidently the poor animal hadn't had no more to eat than Harvey had, because he just ignored Lo Chung and kept his eyes peeled on the apple.
    Well, we ambled along like that for almost three quarters of a mile, and I took a quick peek ahead and could see the Temple of Kun Iam maybe three hundred yards ahead of us. Then our rickshaw hit a big dip in the road and I almost fell out, and by the time I had regained my balance the horse had reached out and finally got his teeth into the apple and bit it off.
    “Step it up, Harvey!” I yelled. “We got problems!”
    The horse didn't speed up, but he didn't slow down none either, and I could see that he was going to be done with the apple before we crossed the finish line, and there wasn't no doubt in my mind that once that particular event came to pass he would finally respond to the whip that Lo Chung kept beating him with.
    Then I remembered the other sandwich that I had tucked away in my pocket, and I figured what worked for one puller might work for another, so I quick tied it to the end of the fishing rod just about the time the horse downed the last of the apple and we had maybe forty yards to go.
    I reached out and stuck it just out of Harvey's reach, and he took off with a burst of speed that would have done Jim Thorpe proud. Lo Chung's rickshaw was coming up fast on the left, but Harvey was inspired, and we crossed the finish line a good half-length in front.
    I let Harvey grab the sandwich then, and he kept running as he stuffed it in his mouth.
    “You can stop now!” I said. “We won!”
    “I saw fifteen of Lo Chung's friends and relations standing there in front of the Temple with their guns out and looking very upset for this early in the day,” he hollered back at me.
    “But we got all our money back at the Macau Inn!” I said.
    “It's only money.”
    “What's so only about money?” I demanded.
    “You do what you gotta do, Preacher,” said Harvey, heading straight toward the dock. “Me, I'm getting out of town alive and intact. There'll be other rickshaw races, and I aim to have my legs still attached to the rest of me when I run in ’em.”
    I looked back and saw Lo Chung standing beside his rickshaw, raising all kinds of a ruckus, and then a few of his friends and relations looked after us and fired a couple of shots in our direction, and suddenly a boat trip to the mainland started looking better and better.
    “After all,” I said aloud, “what is a man profited if he wins a hundred thousand pounds sterling and loses his innerds?”
    Harvey said “Amen!” and jacked up the pace as the Temple of Kun Iam faded into the distance behind us.

3. The Insidious Oriental Dentist
    Once we hit the mainland, Harvey and I parted company. He wanted to