Fighting Temptation (Men Of Honor) by K.C. LYNN Read Free Book Online

lips and softly whisper… “I love you Jaxson.”
    I feel his whole body tense and the tender expression that was just on his face is replaced with one of shocked horror.
    Uh oh! Anxiety spikes, making my heart start to pound. Jaxson doesn’t move, it’s as if he’s frozen in place.
    “Say something…” I choke out softly. He quickly stands up, my voice snapping him out of his shock.
    “Shit, shit, shit. What the fuck am I doing? Shit,” he mutters while frantically pacing.
    Ok, not exactly what I wanted to hear. Feeling cold and completely exposed now I quickly put my bra and shirt back into place. I sit with my arms wrapped around my knees waiting for him to start talking to me instead of himself.
    Finally after what seems like forever, but in actuality was probably only a few minutes, he turns to me with an expression full of regret. Ouch!
    “Jules I’m so goddamn sorry, I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. I got carried away.” I stare at him in complete astonishment.
    “Really Jaxson? That’s what you have to say about what just happened? What exactly are you sorry for?” I feel my blood start to heat back up but for a whole different reason than it was 10 minutes ago.
    “What we just did Jules, it shouldn’t have happened,” he drops his head to his hands, “Fuck I can’t believe I did this.”
    “Well you know what Jaxson? I think what just happened was pretty amazing and I’m not sorry. Do you not recall it was me who kissed you first?”
    “Listen Julia, our emotions are all over the place right now. I should have stopped…”
    “…Do you really think I just told you I loved you because my emotions are all over the place? Seriously!?” He’s looking unsure now, seeing how angry I am.
    He’s still shirtless and I hate myself for thinking how sexy he looks right now. He takes a deep breath and runs his hand through his hair. “Julia I know you care about me…”
    “No Jaxson I told you I love you, there’s a big difference!”
    “You don’t love me Julia. My leaving is screwing with our heads.”
    That’s the final straw for me: “Don’t you dare tell me, Jaxson, what I feel. If you think I said ‘I love you’ just because you had your fingers inside me, well, think again mister! Clearly you don’t know me as well as I thought you did.” My heart breaks and I realize that it’s true- he should know me better than to think I would just spout those words and not mean them.
    “Damn it Julia, listen, you may think that you love me… “
    “Don’t fucking patronize me!” I can tell my screaming and choice of language has surprised him. “UGH!” I start packing up the blanket, realizing this was a mistake, “I’ve been in love with you since I was 17 years old but I’ve kept it to myself because I didn’t want to mess up our friendship.” I turn to him: “Are you really that disgusted with me Jaxson?”
    I can tell my question pisses him off, “Watch it Julia, you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”
    “Oh really, I don’t? Then tell me why you have screwed almost every girl in this town and act like it’s no big deal but then you touch me and you have so much regret and disgust on your face it looks like it might kill you?” I know the pain I’m feeling has crept into my voice now.
    “I do not feel disgust! You’re different than everyone else!”
    “Ya, I got that I’m different,” I choke out.
    I turn and start walking away when he charges after me grabbing my arm, he spins me around to face him, “Oh for fuck-sakes! I didn’t mean it like that! This is about me Julia, not you. I’m too fucked up to love you,” he says brokenly, “why tell me now, huh? Why the fuck would you tell me the night before I have to leave?”
    I try to swallow past the lump in my throat, “Because I didn’t know if or when I would ever see you again and I knew I’d always regret it if something happened to you and you never knew how much I loved