Fostering Love (The Soul Sisters Series Book 1) by Victoria Johns Read Free Book Online

I wouldn’t even be breathing the same air as her.  Jesus, I never thought repaying a favor would involve going to the lengths that I am. 

Chapter Five
     
    The next morning I wake up, run through my usual bathroom routine, I look myself in the eye and vow that today will mark a new beginning; positive affirmation is supposed to work.  I’ve always said it takes energy to truly hate someone and in the same vein, it takes energy to stay true to something that is never going to happen.  You can only be a believer for so long without a sign, a miracle or firm evidence that your luck is changing.  I’m only now starting to realize all these things.  I always believed the best in him, even though I’d feel disappointed and upset that he was spending time with other girls in the way I wanted to be with him.  I’d defend him whilst my friends tried to get me see that he wasn’t interested in me and I would convince myself that the small things he’d do for me were bigger than they actually were.  As I got older I’d show my anger more because I stupidly believed it hid my sadness, but what I was too dumb to realize was that emotion was still emotion and showing any kind of it meant you cared. 
    As the time went on and I began to realize my body was changing, I’d imagine things in my brain and Jonas would play a starring role.  This was easier the more distant we became in our everyday lives, I’d built him up to be an unattainable God and that just made things more enjoyable.  I can’t count the amount of times over my growing years when I’d played with myself at night imagining it was his hands on me. 
    Shit! Did I have a wild imagination or what? 
    I’d put so much feeling into it because it somehow made the end orgasm more intense, more body shocking.  I’d pretend it was his hands running up my thighs, pressing my legs further apart with need.  I’d pretend it was his thick rough fingers delving inside me making me wet and I’d gasp out loud imagining that it was him teasing my clit and fucking me with his fingers.  I’d beg him to build a steady rhythm and would imagine him smiling back wickedly, saying things like “No rhythm.  Take what I give you; I want to watch you cum suddenly because you can’t control yourself.”  It was easy to pretend at night in the dark and those imaginary scenarios just got better when I discovered the world of vibrators.  As with everything in life the reality is somewhat different.   It was still me, I was touching myself and creating a fantasy which became jaded when I’d finished.  I’d be gasping for air and coming down from my orgasm and I’d realize with clarity that it was just that, only a fantasy.  He was still the unattainable God, I was still alone when I’d finished and it was heavenly and beautiful yet short lived and torturous. 
    Times when I’ve had brief relationships that have included sex have not really gone anywhere because my head space was elsewhere and imagining the guy I was with was someone else isn’t fair to them or me.  I’ve often thought that I was obsessed with him and at times thanked God that he was in the navy, had he been here I may have developed female stalker tendencies.  I don’t believe I’m that experienced in the art of sex, but I’m sure everyone thinks that until they meet someone that teaches them something a little bit different or new, so for some time I’ve gone solo in my efforts at finding pleasure and tried to keep a rein on my crazy and creative imagination.
    I’m not an early riser; I keep my own work schedule unless I was contracted to do a specific job and a time defined start was required.  By the time I’m dressed and armed with breakfast and coffee it’s around 10.45am and after I check my cell, I see I’ve got a text from Oli Hart:-
    Oli: Call about the Job when you get this. Ta Oli .
    I call him back and it eventually goes to voicemail, so I leave a message asking him to give